She pauses and looks at me for a long minute. Oh, the good doctor might be smart, but she’s also very dumb if she thinks I’m not attracted to her because of my history with Polly. Does she really think that because I loved Polly in the past, I can’t love her in the present?
Wow.
I’ve been called selfish before, but this is something new entirely.
“That’s not what I said.”
“Then what?”
“It’s just...”
“Tell me.”
“I miss her, okay?” Polly screams the words, and then she covers her mouth with her hand, as though she can’t believe she did it. She gets up and moves across the room. She looks out the window, and then she turns back to me. Her arms are wrapped around herself tightly, protectively, like she’s doing everything she can to just keep holding on.
My first instinct is to run to her and reach for her. I want to cover her, to hold her. I want to tell her that I’m sorry Alexis is gone and that I can help her through this because I’ve already done it.
I’ve already gotten over Alexis.
But that’s not what she needs right now, is it?
No, what Polly needs is something else.
She doesn’t need comfort.
She needs strength.
“It’s okay to b
e sad.”
“I know that.”
“But it’s okay to move on, too.”
“Jace, for you, it’s been months. Half a year. For me, it’s only been a few days.”
“I’m not going to rush you, Polly. I’m not going to push you into anything you don’t want, but I’m also not going to hold back just because of my past.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I’m going to wait for you, Polly. This thing between you and I?” I gesture between us. “This isn’t it. It’s not over. It’s not going to be for a long time, and that’s quite all right with me because you are fantastic, Polly. You’re brave, and you’re courageous, and you risked your entire life for a kid who isn’t even yours. That takes balls, Polly. It takes guts.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.
“On the contrary,” now I do stand.
I get up, and I move across the room. I go to Polly, and I reach for her shoulders, and I hold them gently. She looks so lovely, even now, even when she’s scared and upset, and I pull her close to myself.
“I know exactly what I’m saying, love, and that’s why it’s so meaningful.”
“Why me?” She whispers, and she looks up at me like no one has ever been kind to her before, like no one has ever spoken to her this way.
She looks at me like I’m offering her something wonderful, something she never would have otherwise gotten.
She’s looking at me like I’m the king of her world.
And that’s exactly what I want to be.