“Sorry, I was just trying to figure out why you’re allowed to constantly be in contact, but I’m only allowed to communicate from a secret location and address,” I said pointedly.
“Because my phone has security features that your laptop doesn’t have,” he said matter-of-factly.
I knew he was pissed at me because I’d told him two nights before that I didn’t want him sleeping in the bed with me anymore. He was either going to be my bodyguard or my lover, but not both. I had to draw the line somewhere. He grudgingly accepted his role as bodyguard and had slept on the pull-out couch. I missed having him in bed next to me at night, but I wasn’t going to back down until he agreed to let me go home. It was the Lysistrata approach, and I had faith that if it had worked for the ancient Athenian women who prevented a war, it would definitely work for my puny demands.
“Well, then maybe I’m just interested in what’s going on with you these days?” I said in a sickly sweet voice.
“Don’t manage me,” he said in a mocking tone.
“I’m not managing you, I’m just asking a question,” I replied in a sassy tone. “I’m bored! I’m sick of being stuck in this room! I need some stimulation; something to do!”
“What? You want me to take you to the zoo or an amusement park?” he said dryly.
“Would you?” I replied excitedly.
“Not likely,” he said in a flat tone.
I dropped down on the couch and pouted, and I hoped he’d notice, but he’d gone back to his phone and didn’t see my dramatic performance. Suddenly it occurred to me that his interest in his phone was a lot like someone who’d just begun dating someone new. Was he on a dating site? Was he talking with girls while he was with me? Had he met someone online and was texting her like crazy as a means of avoiding me? Maybe he’d fallen for her already and was planning on meeting her after he finished this job. Maybe I’d become nothing more than a job to him since I’d kicked him out of bed. The thought left me with a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach.
He was busy planning his life after me.
The thought of Brian being interested in someone new sent my brain spinning down a path of destruction. I was mad and hurt, but most of all, I was frustrated that we weren’t doing anything to find Dominic and put an end to his reign of terror. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to stop him because he was rich and he was incredibly manipulative, and right now he had everyone fooled. Dominic’s modus operandi was to be friendly and amiable in public, and then to take out his frustrations in extraordinarily cruel ways in private. He intimidated his victims in a way that kept us all silent and afraid. I knew I wasn’t the only one who’d suffered at the hands of the blond monster, but how to get to the others without him knowing was a whole other matter.
When we returned from the gym on the third morning, I headed to the shower as I plotted my strategy for getting Dominic out into the open and exposing his nasty secrets. I turned on the water and began peeling off my workout clothes as I thought about the kinds of things that would attract him and how I could shape the encounter to trap him in his abuse. I didn’t want to let Brian know what I was doing because I didn’t think he’d agree with my approach, and I knew he would definitely not agree with my idea of using myself as bait to lure Dominic into the trap. The only thing that scared me was that if I did what I was planning, I’d have no backup. It would have to work seamlessly the first time or we’d be in real trouble. I stepped into the shower and began planning.
As I emerged from the bathroom, I saw Brian on his phone, and my blood began to boil despite the fact that I’d told myself over and over that it didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. None of this was real. I just had to endure it for a little while longer and then I could go back to the life I’d shaped on campus.
“You’re really adept at texting,” I observed casually.
“I’m working on something,” he replied absently.
“Oh yes, I can see that,” I tossed back.
“What does that mean?” He looked up as he caught the hint of sarcasm in my voice.
“Nothing, just an observation,” I shrugged.
“It sounds like a whole lot more than observing going on under the surface of that statement,” he replied.
I looked at him and debated whether I wanted to get into the discussion, but when the phone buzzed yet again. I swallowed my feelings and just shook my head as I headed over and fired up my laptop.
“I’m going to do some homework and see if I can’t stay caught up in my classes,” I said.
“Alright, if you’re sure you don’t have anything to say to me,” he offered. “If you want to get something off your chest, just let me know.”
“What on earth would I possibly want to get off my chest?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “You’re the one with the silent beef.”
“I don’t care what you do!” I said a little too forcefully. “I just want to go home in four days. That was our deal.”
“Indeed it was,” he replied, and then said nothing else. I sat waiting for him to say more, but once I realized he’d lapsed back into silence, I turned toward my computer and began pulling up the assignments that Jessie and Lara had pulled together for me.
I’d been able to download copies of the textbooks from the online store, so I spent the first hour reading the definitions of various psychiatric conditions, and when I got to the section on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I sat staring at the screen for a long time. It wasn’t that I was unaware of Dominic’s personality traits, it’s that I’d never seen them laid out so clearly before. The book defined NPD as “characterized by an overinflated sense of self-importance, as well as dramatic, emotional behavior that is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.” Nothing about that was surprising, but when I got to the definition of Sociopathy, I stopped reading and sat in front of the screen, afraid to move as I tried to control my breathing. It defined a sociopath as “characterized by enduring antisocial behavior, diminished empathy and remorse and disinhibited or bold behavior,” and what struck me about it most was that Dominic exhibited all of these characteristics, and had since the beginning. And I hadn’t noticed.
As I read further, I realized that I could use these personality traits to manipulate him into my trap and catch him, but it was going to require me to go back to playing the victim long enough to get him to believe that I wanted to come back to him, and I wasn’t sure that I could do that without damaging my psyche. I’d worked too hard
to rebuild my self-esteem after I’d left Dominic, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to play with the foundation I’d built for fear that it would crack under the strain.