MY HEAD began throbbing as I left second period. For the briefest of moments I hoped that maybe it had nothing to do with the shadows that wanted to haunt me. Glancing in the direction I needed to go, I whipped around and headed the opposite way. I would be late for class, but it didn’t matter. Taking the long way to my locker was the only option. I turned down hallway B and cut over to hallway C, glancing covertly over my shoulder the entire time. It was following me. Two months had passed since the first time I’d seen the ominous dark cloud. It no longer hid anymore. It was bold and followed me anywhere I went. I double-backed down the hallway before scrambling past the door of my second-period class to get to my locker. The hallways were crowded, but I welcomed the crush of coming-and-going bodies. Peering to my right, I could see that my attempt to lose the cloud had failed. The darkness cloaked the entire hallway, covering the walls and the ceiling.
My classmates were oblivious as they went about their business like it didn’t exist. Their biggest worry seemed to be avoiding the tardy bell. I had accepted the fact that I was the only one who could see the dark cloud. I’d come to think of it as a creature, one that had yet to harm me physically, but seemed hell-bent on driving me insane. It no longer cared if it was day or night or if I was at home or school. All I knew was that it wanted to torment me. I rubbed my eyes hoping it would fade away, but the creature refused to disappear.
“Hey, did you find your biology notes?” Amber asked, emerging through the ominous cloud that blocked the entire hallway. It freaked me out to see her walk through the darkness unscathed. I wanted to grasp her shoulders and shake her until her teeth rattled in her skull. Did she have any idea what she had done? I would swim with alligators or walk barefoot over burning coals, even jump out of an airplane without a parachute before I would walk through the darkness. Deep-rooted fear gripped my senses anytime I thought about what lay beyond the shadows.
“You okay?” Amber asked, seeing the shudder that rippled down my body, leaving behind goose bumps on my arms. Her tone wasn’t exactly condescending, but I sensed she was displeased with me.
It took my brain a moment to categorize her words and compute what she’d asked me. “I’m fine—and yes, I found the notes,” I said, handing over the stack of papers I’d gathered the night before.
Amber reached for the folder with greedy hands. “Bless you. I know that old bat would like nothing better than to fail me.”
I snickered, ignoring the ice-cold trickle of sweat running down my back as the darkness moved closer, testing the invisible boundaries I tried in vain to keep in place. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end.
Holding a conversation was almost impossible with the creature invading my space. I scooted closer to Amber for good measure. I was sick of cowering away in fear, but I was more afraid of getting swallowed up.
“Are you listening to me?” Amber demanded, pulling at my arm in aggravation.
I forced myself to focus on her face. I couldn’t blame her for being annoyed. The last two months had been rough. I was a different person. Fear had changed me.
It had become my constant companion. Sleep no longer held any appeal. Closing my eyes only accentuated my paranoia, so I fought it with every fiber of my being. I would lie in bed, watching reruns of old TV shows and infomercials. Any mindless program to keep my mind occupied.
Eventually, my erratic sleep patterns affected my appetite and I began skipping meals. I still went through the whole charade of lunchtime with my friends every day, but my mind was no longer in it. Amber and Luke knew something was wrong. Their confusion quickly eroded to frustration when I offered little to no explanation for my unusual behavior. I wanted badly to confide in them, but how would I put it into words when I didn’t understand why it was happening to me?
My appetite and relationships weren’t the only thing suffering. For the first time in my life my academic career was slipping away. Homework and test scores took a backseat to what was going on in my head.
I was slowly pulling away from everything and everyone who had been so important to me, and yet I couldn’t seem to care.
Jacob was so busy with his own friends and wrestling practice that he hadn’t noticed how much I had withdrawn. Luke was confused and hurt. I was starting to ignore his calls and had very little to say when we were together. He was certain that I had decided to end things with him. Amber was tougher. We’d been friends for so long that pulling away without her noticing was impossible. She knew something was wrong and she was hurt I hadn’t confided in her.
“Sorry, I missed what you said,” I answered. She huffed beside me as we headed to class. I sighed, but didn’t say anything. I could feel the anger simmering inside her as we headed for third period. Her frustrations were ready to boil over. Her shoes slapped against the linoleum floor and she swung her arm in an exaggerated motion as she walked. I knew Amber well enough to know that she wouldn’t remain bottled up long.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Mia?” she hissed.
Any other time I would have laughed. She was so predictable, like a ticking time bomb. There was no way I could continue feigning ignorance. She wouldn’t fall for that again.
I shrugged. “I’m just dealing with some stuff,” I said, making a point to not look over my shoulder at the darkness behind me.
She rolled her eyes, jerking me to an abrupt stop. “Is this still about the pool thing? Are you still mad at all of us? That was, like, two months ago. Okay, so we got caught. It’s not like we got in any trouble,” she said, blowing out an exasperated breath. “Do you want us to tell you that you were right? Is that what you need to hear?”
I started to shake my head and correct her until my mind registered what she had just said. “You guys have been talking about me?” This time it was my turn to be annoyed. How nice that my friends had taken it upon themselves to talk behind my back. “Are you and Luke going to hook up next, now that we’re having problems?” It was a cruel thing to say. I knew it the moment the words left my lips.
Amber rolled her eyes. “You’re kidding, right?”
I shrugged. I felt so confused lately that I wasn’t entirely sure whether or not I was kidding. “I’m not mad,” I said. “We could have gotten in a lot of trouble though. We’re lucky Luke was a total rock star on the field that night, otherwise Principal Trout could have nailed us to the wall.”
“But he didn’t. Should we have listened to you? Sure, but come on. You have to agree, it was a rush,” she implored as the warning bell rang.
I shook my head. Nothing about that night had been a rush. She was right about one thing. I h
ad changed, just not in the way she thought. I didn’t blame any of them for the nightmare I was living, but it was only happening to me.
She stood in front of me, blocking my way into class. “You have to forgive us,” she demanded.
I didn’t know how to make her understand that forgiveness wasn’t necessary. What I was going through had nothing to do with them. I was dealing with things they couldn’t comprehend. And to make matters worse, I had no idea how to explain it. Pretending to care about the trivial things was too much to bear at the moment. “I do forgive you,” I said, trying to appease her.
“Bullshit,” she said as the second bell rang. We were officially late for class, which was another sign of how much I had changed. My perfect image was cracking at the foundation. I could see it, and by the look on Amber’s face, she could see it too. The hallways had emptied, but our silent standoff continued. We were at an impasse.
Amber was the first to break. Sighing, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a pad of signed late passes that she always kept on hand. She tore off two from the top, handing one to me. I reached for it without question, but saw a flash of pain in Amber’s eyes. There was a time when I would have balked at taking a pass from anyone other than a teacher, but now I did it without a second thought. Amber knew that and I knew it.