"Yes, it does. I was worried about you." He reached for me.
I sighed, shrugging his hand off my arm. "Brian, you shouldn't be worrying about me. We're not dating. Just because I slept with you doesn't mean I'm suddenly your girl." Cruel asshole struck again.
He recoiled at my words. "I know that."
"Do you?" I stepped into my apartment. "Because it sure seems like you're trying to stake a claim."
"Kat, I'm not trying to stake a claim. Look, I'm sorry I hurt you last night," he said, running a hand over his head.
"Why did you even tell me?" I asked, pulling out the thoughts that had been haunting me all day. "You knew the truth would hurt me and tarnish my memories of your brother. Why would you do that to him? Were you just waiting to ride in and save the day?"
His eyes hardened. "No."
"Then why?"
He remained silent as he stood in my doorway.
"Look, Brian, this or whatever this is isn't going to work. We both have too many skeletons in our pasts." I tossed my keys on the counter and placed my hand on my hip, waiting for him to leave.
He did the opposite by stepping farther into my apartment and closing the door behind him. My apartment felt smaller with him in it. Brian carried an air of confidence that was bigger than his actual physique. He stepped closer to me, placing his hands on my shoulders as if he was afraid I was going to bolt. He knew me well.
"I told you about my brother not to hurt you but to help you move on. You're holding some kind of damn torch for him like he was a saint or something. You would rather deprive yourself of happiness than remember that though he was a terrific guy, he was also flawed. He was far from perfect, and it's time you stop being a martyr and start living."
I shrugged out from under his hands. "I'm not a martyr," I retorted with barely suppressed rage. "Your brother was my everything. Why can't you understand that? When he died, the best parts of me died too. I lost my life the day he died, and it was all my fault."
"Kat, what are you talking about? Dan didn't die because of you. He died because some fucking truck driver decided texting was more important than the lives of Jessica, Tracey, and Dan," Brian's shouted. His voice bounced off my walls in angry waves, drowning out my own anger from moments before.
I sagged against the counter. He had no idea what he was talking about. Dan had died because of me, and when Brian found out he would no longer think I was a martyr. He would know the truth. I debated not saying anything to bury the truth as I had been doing. But I was sick of burying it. I was sick of it haunting me at night in my nightmares. Most of all, I was sick of all the guilt that continued to drown me.
I opened my mouth to tell him but the words got stuck in my windpipe. I swallowed, trying to dislodge them. "Brian, I let your brother go." I leaned against the counter as the memories crashed in.
Graduation night
"Tonight," Dan promised, running his finger down the inside of my arm.
"Yes," I breathed, reaching for my seatbelt.
"Kat," he warned with humor in his voice.
My fingers moved to my seatbelt to unlatch it.
"Uh-uh," Dan murmured in my ear, placing his hand over mine before I could undo my seatbelt.
"Zach won't even know," I whispered, looking up to the front of the vehicle. Just as I expected, Zach was focused on the road ahead as he merged onto the highway. Zach was a born rule follower. The Boy Scout of our group.
Dan's lips found my earlobe and he tugged gently on it with his teeth. "Forget Zach. Your mom would have my head if she knew I let you take your seatbelt off," he whispered as his hand settled on my thigh.
I turned to scold him for teasing me with his touch and not allowing me capitalize on it right before the vehicle shuddered violently. Something had rammed into my side. Panic seized me as a blur of screeching metal pressed against my window, shattering the glass. Dan reached for my hand, gripping it hard in his as he pulled me away from the shower of glass. I held on to his hand as Jessica's screams filled the vehicle. Everything around me tilted like an amusement park ride. I watched morbidly as Tracey's head slammed against the window with so much force I was surprised it didn't explode. It couldn't be happening. We had to be in a nightmare that I would wake from, in my own bed. The wheels of the Suburban left the road and my body pressed against Dan.
"Don't let go of me," Dan ordered, trying to keep me anchored to the middle of the seat, away from the glass that was still raining in from my broken window.
I gripped his hand, pressing my body against his. Everything was happening too fast. This wasn't real.
A scream tore through my throat as the vehicle lost its ability to stay upright. My fingers started to slip from Dan's. Panicking, I attempted to tighten my hold on him as the rolling vehicle threatened to take him from me. We flipped over and over again with stomach-churning force. I could feel his fingers slipping away. I knew I couldn't let him go, but my hand was slick. In the dark I couldn't see why my hand was suddenly wet … all I knew was Dan's hand was being ripped from mine. I cried out for him, but it was too late. He was pulled away from me into the crush of the vehicle that was being swallowed. It closed in around Dan, trapping him on every side. He was gone.
My sobs filled my apartment. All the tears that had been locked up poured out of my eyes, threatening to drown me in my loss. I'd been alone with my tears and demons months ago, except this time I wasn't really alone. Brian was with me. His arms were around me as I finished telling him about that night. The sobs had come before I could finish. I'd let his brother go, but he was comforting me. I realized he would never see me for who I really was. The rose-colored glasses he wore where I was concerned kept him from seeing the stark truth right in front of his nose.
"Kat, it's not your fault," he murmured, stroking a hand over my head.