It's heaven.
But it's not enough.
Nothing is going to be enough.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Cam
After she's finished with her selections, Sienna pulls back the curtain. Motions to her new attire—a pair of blue jeans and a tight white tank top. She pulls the strap aside to show off a sheer red bra.
Then she holds out an entire stack of underwear.
She's not upset.
Why the fuck would she be upset about coming on my face?
I need to get ahold of myself. That is possible. There's no universe where this is easy, but there's some universe where it's possible.
"Are we just taking it?" Her eyes go to the register. "Or is your friend going to show up?"
"Let me."
She raises a brow, but she still hands me the stack of lingerie. "You're going to ring it up?"
"You don't see me as a shop boy?"
"Actually… yes. I can see you selling women lingerie. Or shoes. Purses. Anything where you turn on that Cam charm."
"I worked at a department store for a few months." I move to the register. Ring up everything she picked, and a few surprises.
"Really?"
I nod.
"You did well?"
"I did."
"Why only a few months?"
"I slept with a coworker." I wrap the lingerie in tissue paper. Slip it into one of the store's discreet silver bags.
"Did you hate her after?" She says it without judgment.
But my shoulders still tense. "I didn't want to be around her anymore, but she had another idea."
"She couldn't get enough?"
"Yes." I finish paying.
"Was that it? She wanted more and you didn't?"
"She thought the sex meant something to me."
"Didn't it?"
"Not the way she hoped." It meant I didn't want to look at her anymore. I couldn't stand to be around her, to be around anyone who'd seen me so vulnerable. "I was young. I didn't know how to communicate my intentions. I told her it was casual, but…"
"She didn't realize it was the end of the line."
"How could she?"
Sienna nods. She looks at me curiously. "Did you realize it then?"
"No."
"That must have been confusing."
"It was."
She motions to the door shall we. "And that happens with everyone? Every woman you've been with?"
"Usually."
"Do you think it will happen with me?"
"I hope not."
Her lips press together. "Okay. Well, uh… I hope that doesn't happen also. Uh… should, we, uh… should we drop off the lingerie somewhere?"
"I have the car."
"And then we should go somewhere." The fear stays in her voice. She tries to push it away. To push the entire subject away.
Or maybe I'm seeing what I want to see. Maybe it doesn't matter to her.
If she was someone else, I'd be relieved. But the thought of Sienna only wanting a weekend of sex makes my stomach turn.
It's ridiculous. I made the offer; I set the limits; I controlled the entire conversation.
And here I am, upset she agreed to my terms.
Ty is right. I'm an arsehole.
But I'm not dwelling on that. I'm not dwelling, period. I'm enjoying my time her.
Sienna follows me outside. Soaks in the sight of Midtown. The silver skyscrapers, the yellow cabs, the tourists and locals rushing around. "How can you not love New York? Look at it!" She motions to a man with a cart selling pretzels and hot dogs. "It's so alive."
"Hot dogs?"
She nods.
"When did you last eat a hot dog?"
Her laugh dissolves the tension in her shoulders. "You can't insult hot dogs in America. Sure, they're disgusting, but we're proud of them for some reason. It's the same with baseball. Everyone who likes it admits it's boring, but it's as American as apple pie."
"Your favorite among the options?"
"Well, yeah, it's dessert. The only sport better than dessert is soccer." She looks up at me, invitation in her eyes.
This time, it's not sexual. It's like she's inviting me to forget I might hate her.
She accepts it and she's still here.
Maybe it is okay.
Or maybe I'm officially out of my fucking mind.
No, there's no maybe there. I'm crazy.
And I'm crazy about her.
Already.
But I meant what I said this morning. There's no universe where Sienna and I have a future.
This is the only thing that makes sense.
We have a weekend together. I have a weekend to savor my time with her.
I'm not spending any more of it worrying about the future.
I'm enjoying every fucking drop of her.
Sienna squeezes my hand as she leads me down Fifth Avenue. "We need caffeine and this place is perfect. It's like you, like your entire family. Incredibly extra."
"Isn't extra last year's slang?"
"Are you seriously correcting my language?"
"If you're dated."
She smiles. "Okay, what would you call it?"
Extra, meaning more than expected or over the top, like Ian wearing a fuchsia tie to match his girlfriend's teal hair, or Sienna showing up to dinner in her football jersey, or me bringing three suits on vacation—
It's the perfect word.
But I still need to tease her. "You're the young one."
"You don't even know! You're so full of it." She shakes her head ridiculous and marches forward. "You should be proud of me for using it. Eve's the one who pointed it out. She said something about how Ian and the shop were both so extra." She barely stops herself from rolling her eyes.