This was almost comical. Was he really turning her away out of some misguided morality? She did not want to be fine and good. She wanted to be happy.
"Good-bye, Alexandra. It was truly a pleasure."
My God, he was really going. She set aside her pride for later. "A kiss good-bye, at least?"
He hesitated, but only for the barest moment. "Aye. Of course."
Reaching high on her tiptoes, she pressed her mouth to his before he could change his mind. He kissed her tenderly and thoroughly—and held her body an inch from his. Undaunted, she pressed her palms to his chest and felt him shift toward her. Good. Good. He was saying farewell and she would likely never see him again and he would damn well think of her when he was gone.
She couldn't stop the small, sad sound she made as he closed the space between them.
His hand curled into her hair. His mouth left hers. He pulled her back and stared down at her, eyes sliding over her eyes, her neck, her parted lips. Then his hands slipped out of her hair and he stepped away.
"Good-bye," she whispered, hating the feel of his heat seeping away from her.
Collin Blackburn opened the door of her room and walked silently out of her life.
Chapter 6
"Julia will be coming out next Season?"
"Oh, yes." Aunt Augusta fairly vibrated with excitement. "And she has finally shed her baby fat, Alex! You cannot imagine how excited she is!"
Alexandra forced a smile. Of course she could. She had felt that same excitement not two years before.
"We are taking her to Madame Desante for her wardrobe, of course."
"Of course."
"She says that the coming styles are perfect for Julia."
"That's wonderful, Aunt Augusta. And Justine? Is she thirteen now?"
"Oh, yes. And as wild as her little brother." A tired sigh made her cheeks quiver. "We shall see about that one."
Alex couldn't help but smile a little more widely. "She will outgrow it, I'm sure. And you have only Julia to think about now."
"Oh, and she will be lovely. You must come to her ball, Alexandra. She would miss your not being there."
"Perhaps," she lied. She had absolutely no intention of slinking back to London with her tail between her legs, and she certainly would not taint her cousin's coming out.
When Augusta turned to speak to Mr. Covington, Alex swept her gaze around the table, then glanced up to her brother to watch as he raised a subtle toast in her direction. She grinned, aware that she was lucky to have such a wonderful brother. He made her comfortable life possible. If he'd been anyone else she'd have been married to a fortune hunter by now. Someone more than willing to overlook her scandalous past for the chance of shaping her into the perfect rich wife.
Her eye caught on Robert Dixon then, smiling at her from mid-table. She smiled back.
He was a cousin of some sort, though God knew how distant. She'd met him twice before. He was very handsome, in a polished, blond sort of way, and he had been subtly flirting with her since dinner began.
Letting her eyes fall away from his, she continued her sweep of the table. Hart had planned this party to coincide with her twentieth birthday, and no more than two dozen handpicked guests had been invited—only the friends and relatives who'd treated her kindly after the scandal. No one else would find themselves close to the handsome Duke of Somerhart anytime soon.
George and Lucy had sailed to France not a week ago, however, and she found herself oddly nervous without their support. And still lonely, despite her brother's intention to cheer her up.
Loneliness had settled upon her over the past weeks, cold and suffocating, like a muffling blanket of snow that shrouded her happiness. It wasn't just the loss of Collin Blackburn, though that was certainly a part of it. She was, quite simply, alone. There were no other women like her, not that she knew of. Women who worked the land and the books. Women who were blessed with the luxury of playing at manly pursuits. And t
hank God she had that, for hard work was the only pleasure she had.
Laughter swelled briefly around her, and Alex laughed too, making sure that none of the guests could see her distraction. The increasing volume of the chatter signaled the winding down of dinner, and Alex nodded toward Hart and stood.
"Gentlemen. Please stay for a few moments to enjoy your port. Ladies?"