God, I hate this. All of it.
“Sophie!” Max catches up with me quickly as I enter the dining hall. She sounds slightly out of breath. “What’s going on? Is it true?”
I try not to feel irritation at her question. Unlike the rest of the assholes on campus, she just wants to know if it’s true for my sake, not to stir up gossip or drama.
“You split the Sinners up? It’s all over school, Sophie,” she says, standing behind me in line. “Everyone’s talking about it. You don’t realize how big this is.”
“Oh, I do,” I mutter under my breath, glancing at the menu for today.
All of the words just blend into lit
tle smudges—I can’t focus on anything right now. Instead of ordering anything, I decide to step out of the line, Max following close behind me. I can always eat later, when things have cleared out. Until then, I don’t want to be lunchtime entertainment for the entire school.
“I heard Declan and Elias basically disavowed Gray,” she murmurs. “It’s over. Is that true?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I tell her as we step outside, “but I didn’t have anything to do with it. It was their choice. I didn’t ask them to do it for me.”
Max frowns, thinking. “I’d like to believe them though. Declan and Elias. I got to know them a little better over winter break, when we were in the hospital waiting for you to wake up. I think they’re being serious. They’re on your side… or at least that’s what everyone is saying.” She looks at me expectantly, as if wanting my side of the story.
“They did tell me that,” I confirm, “but I won’t believe shit until I see it with my own damn eyes. I’m sick of it all, Max. The games. The lies. The back and forth. I can’t fucking do it anymore.”
“Yeah, I get that.” She sighs. “Well, no matter what any of the Sinners say, you’ll always have one person on your side—me. No matter what, I’m sticking with you.” She winks. “Just try to get rid of me, bitch.”
I smile at that, and even though I’m pretty sure it looks more like a grimace, she grins back.
“Hey.” She gestures to the dorm buildings. “Why don’t we go back to my dorm for lunch? I’ve still got a little food left from winter break, and we can avoid the dining hall.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
As we walk away, she talks about everything and nothing, trying to distract me, but I can still feel people’s gazes following us as we head toward the dorms. For the second semester in a row, I’ve just become the most interesting person on campus—for all the wrong reasons.
Maybe it’ll die down soon, I tell myself, but not even I can make myself believe that lie.
9
With the Sinners broken up, the power dynamics at Hawthorne shift quickly.
It takes less than a week for the Saints to start strutting around campus like they own the damn place. Aaron and Shane are bad enough, but the worst is stupid fucking Cliff, who acts like it was him who brought down the Sinners in one fell swoop.
Brought them down my ass.
I snort under my breath as I walk across campus on Friday, heading toward my last class before lunch.
Maybe it would be better if everyone believed Cliff’s grandstanding. But most people on campus seem to know the truth: it was me. It was Sophie fucking Wright who brought down the Sinners. The scholarship girl, the foster kid, the girl with problems, the shit show who strips for strangers at college parties.
And of course, the girl who fell down the stairs.
Everyone knows about that too. And even though it happened almost a month ago, people still won’t stop talking about it. Caitlin and her little posse are behind it, I’m sure, feeding the rumor mill by making up lies about me—saying I was coked up that night, that I’ve got a mental disorder, or that I did it on purpose just for attention.
It doesn’t matter that none of her lies can be backed up by a shred of evidence. No one cares about the truth. They just want entertaining gossip, and Caitlin goes out of her way to make sure they get plenty of that.
I manage to duck into the back of the large classroom a couple minutes before anyone else arrives, finding my seat alone in the back and pulling out my notes. Studying has been my only anchor lately, especially when nothing good is coming out when I try to paint. I’m trying, I’m trying as hard as I fucking can, but my art just hasn’t been the same since I left Gray’s house on Christmas.
He had to take that away too, didn’t he?
I push down the anger that tries to well up in my chest. I’ve been working on that lately too, and the numbness is almost completely back, but I get a sinking feeling it’ll never be the same again.
Not since the Sinners wormed their way past my carefully constructed walls.