“What did you hear?” Declan takes a half step closer to me, watching me intently.
A hole seems to open up in my heart, flooding my veins with poison, but I don’t look away from the two men in front of me as I answer. I want to see their faces. Even if it fucking kills me, I want to see in their expressions whether they knew or not. I can’t fucking imagine they didn’t. The three of them are too close for Gray to leave them out of this.
But a tiny, stupid little part of me still hopes.
Maybe it wasn’t all three of them. Maybe it was just Gray.
“He promised someone he would get rid of me. He said he still wants me gone and that he could make it happen. That it would be easy.”
The words come easier now than they did when I told Max—as if repeating them has made me numb to them. Like the reality of it is finally starting to sink in.
Elias’s jaw falls open. He rocks back on his heels as if I just shoved him, looking like he doesn’t know which way is up anymore.
I make a move to slip between them and back out onto the path, but both he and Declan stop me, two strong hands gripping my arms. Elias gently guides me back into the little alcove, his face close to mine. His voice is low when he speaks.
“Are you sure?”
I grit my teeth. “Of course I’m fucking sure. Doctor Cohen told me a lot about how my memories might come back, when and if they would—but he never said a single thing about false memories popping into my head for no reason. I didn’t just make this shit up.”
“We’re not saying you did, Soph, but…”
Declan trails off, running a hand through his black hair. He looks just about as shell-shocked as Elias does, and vaguely sick too.
“I can’t fucking believe it,” Elias murmurs. “Why?”
“You know why.” Declan shakes his head. Something else is brewing in his expression now, and it looks a lot like anger.
“Beth.” That’s all Elias says, but Declan nods right away. “Jesus. I thought he finally let that shit go.”
To my surprise, Elias looks just as mad as Declan. My heart is slamming hard against my ribs as I look from one to the other. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react. I expected them to side with Gray. Or maybe to clam up like he did, get all cold and pretend they don’t care. I expected them to go along with everything Gray said, because that’s what they’ve always done.
But not now.
“That’s fucked up, Blue.” Elias curses under his breath. Then he takes a step toward me, catching my chin with his fingers as he holds my
gaze. I flinch at the contact, and he pulls away but doesn’t step back. “We didn’t know. We didn’t know about whatever happened between you two on Christmas, and we didn’t know about the party. About his promise. But we’re not with him on this one.”
“We may have had his back last semester,” Declan continues, “but not now. That was fucked up. We shouldn’t have gone along with it. He shouldn’t take his grief out on other people.”
“Is that what you think this is really all about?” I ask, my voice dull. I feel hollow. Like something has been torn out of me. “Beth?”
That was my guess too. My only guess. Maybe it was me being in the house where she should have been, the first Christmas since she died—
Fuck, I don’t want to think about that.
“I thought this was over,” Declan says, letting out a breath like he’s trying to calm his anger. It’s barely working. I can see it in the tension under his skin. “I thought he was done with his stupid revenge thing.”
“He won’t do it again.” Elias’s voice is hard, and my gaze shoots to him. “We won’t let him kick you out of this school or do anything to hurt you. He’s being a dick, and it’s not fucking okay. He may be our friend, but you’re ours too, Blue.”
I swallow. This isn’t even close to the response I expected. I haven’t known them all that long, but ever since I came to Hawthorne, I’ve always seen the Sinners have each other’s backs. Are these two really taking my side over their friend, who they’ve known far longer than me?
I don’t buy it.
They’ve backed each other up in all sorts of asshole games, and I’m not going to believe them just because they say they’re done now. I believed Gray last semester when he told me he was sorry, and look where that shit got me. I’m done having faith.
Believe people when they show you who they are.
Those words I said to Max come floating back into my mind now. I want to trust Declan and Elias, but I don’t have any trust left in me. Gray took it all and broke it.