“What? That’s weeks away.”
“It’s really not long at all.”
“But we can talk and—”
“Please, Gabriel. Don’t think about me. Focus on your family. Give it these few weeks and see how you feel then. Do it for me,” she said. “For Bethany. For you. Put your anger aside. See that Penelope isn’t your father and taking her back doesn’t mean you’ve become your mother. It’s not just Penelope that deserves another chance. Or Bethany. It’s you, too. You deserve that perfect family you always wanted.”
Penelope wasn’t my family. Not anymore. “And what if you’re my perfect family? Are you really going to walk away?”
She shook her head and for a moment, I thought she might stay. “What if I’m not, Gabriel? What if you’re meant to be with Penelope?”
She closed her eyes as if she were saying a silent prayer. A shiver passed through me and ice crawled up my spine, paralyzing every movement, every breath, every beat of my heart. And I didn’t know if I’d ever feel warm again.
Thirty-Five
Autumn
I’d been paralyzed by indecision since I opened my laptop last night. I hadn’t slept at all and despite it being five after seven with the light bleeding around the edges of the curtains, I still hadn’t decided whether I should cancel my Eurostar ticket to Paris the day after tomorrow. Maybe I should fly somewhere else. Some place less romantic.
Every click of the mouse and tap of the keyboard was an effort. Someone had opened the tap and drained all my energy. Then they’d come back and frozen any decision-making power.
I’d barely seen Gabriel since our conversation. It was better this way. He had a second chance this way. And I didn’t have to live with the knowledge that I might have been the reason a family didn’t reconcile. I’d spent the week focused on Bethany and settling the new nanny into the role. Last night, when the week was over and the new nanny was settled, I’d loaded my things into Dexter’s car and come to stay with Hollie. I’d left Gabriel a letter, but whatever there was to say had already been said. I wanted him to be happy. More than anything.
There was a flight this afternoon to Madrid. Another tomorrow. There was even one on Thursday to Perth, Australia, and from there it was only a trip up the coast to see Shark Bay. I’d planned to spend the summer in Europe, but nothing about my life was going to plan at the moment.
I struggled into a sitting position and went through my flight options again. Would leaving today be running away? Or simply avoiding the temptation of running back to Gabriel?
The man who loved me. The man I loved so much I’d asked him to try to make it work with his wife.
I hadn’t wanted to go. Leaving had been the most difficult thing I’d ever done. But more than I wanted to stay, I wanted Gabriel to have the life he dreamed of. And whether or not I liked it, that life wasn’t with me.
I wanted him to have what he didn’t growing up—have the dream become a reality. He’d fought me on it. I knew he would. But he’d soften over the next few months. He’d adjust. He’d remember what he’d had with Penelope.
“Is she okay?” I heard Dexter ask Hollie from outside my bedroom door. “I can’t get Gabriel to pick up.”
It would be better to get away soon. Then I wouldn’t be able to waver or weaken or give in to the almost-overwhelming need to run back and tell him that it had all been a terrible mistake, and I loved him so much it caused physical pain to leave.
It would probably be too late anyway. I had no idea if he’d take Penelope back. I hoped he’d try at least. But I was almost certain that he’d never forgive me.
I booked the flight to Madrid. There was no point in staying here. I didn’t want to spend the next few weeks miserable, with Hollie and Dexter whispering their concerns on the other side of closed doors. The weeks leading up to their wedding should be a special time for them. They should enjoy it without worrying about me.
I’d just confirmed my booking when there was a faint knock on the door. “Come in,” I said.
Hollie poked her head in. “I thought you might be sleeping.”
I shook my head. “Not much chance of that. But I’m feeling more positive now,” I lied. “I just booked a flight to Spain. I’m going to be able to spend an entire week there now.”
“Always looking on the bright side,” Hollie said as she came in, her words sounding flat.
“What other choice do I have?” I asked.
“I thought we could go out for brunch,” she said. “Somewhere nice like the Savoy.”