My stomach curdled and I pushed away the memories from the night Gabriel and I had spent there. “Actually, I’ve got a flight to catch. My plane leaves at five.”
“Today?” she said. “We haven’t had a chance to talk or anything. You can’t just leave.”
I nodded. “It will take my mind off of things. And it will be good to go. The weather’s amazing there.” I remembered the advice Gabriel had given—I needed to make sure I put the Thyssen on my itinerary. “I should start packing. You’re okay with me leaving things here?”
Hollie rolled her eyes. “Of course. Do you want me to come with you for a few days? I’m sure Dexter wouldn’t mind, and it might be nice for us to have some time together.”
I smiled at her, grateful for the offer, but she couldn’t solve this for me. She couldn’t salve this wound. I wasn’t sure anything could. Maybe time. Maybe distance. The first was out of my hands, but I could jump on an airplane and try to get some miles between me and the man I loved. Try to take the edge off this hot ache I carried in every muscle and bone. “No, honestly, I’m looking forward to it. It will be an adventure.”
“Why Spain? I thought you were going to start in Paris.”
“Too romantic,” I said, standing and pulling out the case I hadn’t even unpacked yet.
“Maybe I can come out one weekend? Dexter could come too . . . or not.” Hollie’s voice wobbled.
“I don’t want you to worry,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “I’m going to be fine. Us Lumen sisters always land on our feet. And I’m going to attend any weddingy stuff via video call. It won’t be a problem.”
“I don’t care about the wedding. I just hate to see you sad.”
“I know,” I said. Usually, I’d deny it. Plaster a smile on my face. But Gabriel would tell me that it’s okay for things not to be okay sometimes. And now was one of those times. “But you know what? I get to see you marry Dexter. That’s more than enough happiness for both of us.”
“You’ll definitely be back for it?”
My eyes widened. “Of course. As if I’d miss it. And I’ve got to come back and deal with my job situation. Or my lack of one.”
“So you’re for sure not leaving London?”
I couldn’t promise anything. Frankly, I’d go wherever I got a decent job. But I didn’t need to tell Hollie that. “How could I?” I asked. “You’re here.” I needed to leave for now. I needed space to breathe, and for time to do whatever it was time was supposed to do.
“Wherever you are, I’ll be there for you. You know that, don’t you?”
“I’ve never been in any doubt,” I said, plunking down in her lap and pulling my arms around her. Maybe that’s why I could always see the bright side? Because however murky things got, my sister was always out in front, finding a way through the darkness.
Thirty-Six
Gabriel
From where I was sitting on the sofa, I sorted through emails and watched Penelope play with Bethany out of the corner of my eye. The irony was bordering on comical. Penelope had picked out the wallpaper in this living room. She’d said she liked the green, as it reminded her of springtime. She’d probably forgotten. Now, she was just an unwanted houseguest.
The new nanny had said I didn’t need to work from home today and that she’d had experience with supervised visits from parents in our situation before. But there was no way I’d leave Bethany alone with a stranger who’d been working for us for just a few days. So I was here. With my ex-wife and my daughter in a corrupted version of what my life was supposed to have been. And on top of that, I was trying to forget that it had probably been Penelope’s unscheduled visit that led to Autumn leaving. I was trying not to hate Penelope even more than I did.
My soon-to-be ex-wife was sitting cross-legged on the rug, playing a memory game with Bethany. The new nanny was hovering beside them and Jade sat and observed.
Bethany was giggling at the game in front of her. “Daddy, look,” she said, holding up one of the small cards. “The monkey is wearing lipstick.”
“It looks like your mouth when you’ve eaten an ice lolly,” I said. “Find the other matching one.”
She knew exactly where it was. “Here,” she said, picking up one of the cards lying face down on the floor. She didn’t even check it was the monkey before she held it up to me. She was smart and confident. Yes, definitely my daughter.
“Clever girl,” I said.
She shrugged and allowed Penelope to take her turn. She didn’t make a pair and I couldn’t work out whether or not her mistake was deliberate.