“Everyone deserves a second chance, Gabriel.”
“Says who?” It was such a ridiculous saying. “If you murder someone, you don’t get a talking-to and told not to do it again or there’ll be trouble. You go to prison—partly so you can’t do it again.”
Autumn looked up at me. “Penelope didn’t murder anyone. And I’m not saying you should give her a second chance just because she deserves it. I’m asking you to do it for you. She’s Bethany’s mother and your wife. You need to give yourself a second chance at having the family you’ve always dreamed of. I don’t want to be the person who stands in the way of that.”
I tried to let her words soak in. Didn’t she understand that it wasn’t Penelope I wanted, wasn’t Penelope I saw completing the family in my dreams? “But I love you.”
I’d not said it before, but I’d felt it from the moment I saw her at Dexter and Hollie’s place. The feeling hadn’t been small. It hadn’t been subtle. It didn’t start as some seed and grow tall—it smacked me around the head and left bruises. I’d tried to ignore it. Deny it oxygen. Beat it back. But it refused to give up.
I didn’t want Penelope. I didn’t want anyone else. I loved Autumn.
Autumn put her head in her hands, covering her face so I couldn’t see her reaction. Silence thundered between us, stretching the few centimeters between us into a valley.
She didn’t say it back.
I knew she felt it. But she didn’t say it back.
She dragged her fingers from her face and exhaled. “You owe it to yourself to give her another chance,” she said after what seemed like hours. “And I can’t be the person who stands between you and your opportunity at having a life you always dreamed about, Gabriel. I can’t be the person that stops Bethany’s mother from being with her.”
“You’re not,” I said.
“I don’t want to be an excuse.”
“An excuse? What, you think I’m getting an itch scratched with you, so I don’t need to take my wife back?”
I hated the way she winced when I spoke. I’d never seen the expression on her face before—like she was in pain and didn’t know how to heal.
“I don’t want to be the reason you don’t try to make it work. The reason you don’t give your wife and the mother of your child a second chance.”
“Even if you weren’t here, I wouldn’t take Penelope back.” I’d made that decision the day she left. I wasn’t going to subject Bethany to the merry-go-round of Penelope coming in and out of our lives. She left; she’d have to live with that decision.
She looked me in the eye. “You said you loved me.” She said it like a question.
“Yes. I love you. I think I’ve loved you since we met, though I wouldn’t admit it to myself.”
She blinked again and again and again. “Then do it for me. Do it because I asked you to. Try again with Penelope.”
“This is insane. I’m not going to take Penelope back. Us not being together won’t change that.”
“Prove it,” she said.
“You want me to call her and tell her?” She was shaking her head before I got the words out. “Then what? Tell me what I need to do to prove it to you and I’ll do it.”
“Try to make it work. Spend time with her. Take her to dinner. On a date. Remember why you married her. Try to picture that family you had in your imagination when you were a child and do your best to recreate that.”
“You can’t be serious.” I didn’t understand what she was saying. Why would giving Penelope a second chance be for her? It didn’t make any sense.
“I have faith in you, Gabriel. You think you saw second chances go horribly wrong when you were a kid, but you’ve been breathing second chances into every piece of furniture you restore. Every time you strip the varnish off an old desk or replace the hinges on a bookcase, you give that piece of furniture a second chance. It’s inside you.” She reached out and placed her hand on my cheek. I knew in that moment that there was nothing I could do to change her mind.
I wanted to sink into that feeling of her soft skin against mine, wanted to drink it in and commit it to memory. I’d do anything to make her stay.
“If I try and it doesn’t work, then what? I spend the rest of my life wishing for you?”
“I’m away for a month, Gabriel. Not even in the same country as you. Give it time. You all deserve some time to get to know each other again.”
“And then?” I knew I’d miss her as soon as she closed the door.
“Don’t think about the then. Just be in the present this summer. I’ll see you at Hollie and Dexter’s wedding.”