Her voice echoes in the dark of the cab and I push the words out, “Listen, Bri, I know we haven’t talked in a while. But I want you to do something for me, all right?”
I can sense him getting serious, paying his entire attention to me. “Okay.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I want you to call her.”
“What?”
“I want you to call her and I want you to talk to her.”
“Are you… Are you talking about… Vi?”
Brian calls her that.
In fact, everyone around her calls her Vi.
But she’s never been Vi to me. To me, she’s always been Violet. The bright color with a dominant wavelength at the end of the spectrum.
The color I never paid attention to until I saw her.
The knife is twisting in my chest again, gaping the wound open. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. You need to call her. I know you haven’t in a while. But I want you to do this for me, okay? Just call her.”
“Why?”
I grit my teeth. “Because it’s the right thing to do. Because… whatever happened shouldn’t come between you two.”
“Oh, you mean the fact that she kissed my dad?”
It hits me right in the gut, his words, and I flinch. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s over. You need to talk to her. You…”
“Me what, Dad?”
I rub my forehead. “You need to stop punishing her, okay? She made a mistake. It was a mistake.”
Those words sound bitter, fucked-up on my tongue and I curse myself in my head for feeling this way.
Stupid, drunken mistake.
His breathing has gone heavy. Agitated.
“How do you know?” he asks. “How do you know it was a mistake? She tell you that?”
I go silent, words clamming up in my throat.
But Brian breaks the tense silence. “How is it that you call me after months, Dad, and you ask me to talk to her?”
I bump my head against the headrest. I haven’t been keeping in touch. That’s true. Initially, that’s what he wanted. We’d occasionally text but that was all. I offered to visit him once, but he refused.
And I’m ashamed to say that I was relieved.
I didn’t know how to talk to him. Every time I thought about picking up the phone and calling him, his words from that night would run through my mind. All of them true, all of them making me even more ashamed and guilty. Disgusted with myself.
So I drank and drank until I forgot them. Until I forgot her.
But I should’ve tried harder.
I should’ve gotten my shit together and behaved like a responsible parent. At the very least, I would’ve known what he’s been doing to her.
How he’s been punishing her all this time and I’ve been so checked out from the world that I had zero clue about it.
“I know I haven’t been the best of dads. I haven’t been keeping in touch and –”
“But have you been keeping in touch with her, Dad?” His voice sounds angry now.
Just like that, I get a flashback from ten months ago.
Do you like her, Dad? Is that what’s going on? You want her? You want my best friend? Answer me.
Maybe I should’ve given him the answer he wanted.
Fisting my hand, I say, “Just fucking call her.”
“You have, haven’t you?” He scoffs again. “Is that how you know that she made a mistake? What, do you call her? Do you talk to her on the phone? Text with her? She tells you things?”
I say in a stern voice, sterner than I want it to be, “Brian, do the right thing. I thought you guys were okay. I thought you’d talked things out and everything was fine now. But it isn’t. And not to mention, you’re dating her sister. Fucking do the right thing, Bri, all right? Call her and talk to her. The rest doesn’t matter.”
His laughter is scathing, laced with anger. “Like you could talk, Dad. You could talk about doing the right thing. You betray me. You want the girl that I wanted, and now you’re asking me to patch things up. Just like that. What does that mean?”
I grit my teeth again. I clench my eyes shut and dig my fist on my thigh. “It means you call her. That’s what it means. Period. You wanted to ask her out, right? She was your best friend. Is this how you treat her? I told you she made a mistake. It’s time to move on, okay? You want to hate me, go right ahead. I should’ve been a better father. I should’ve known your feelings about her but I didn’t. I fucked up. You can hate me all you want but you’re calling her. You’re calling her and you’re apologizing. I didn’t say anything about Fiona before because I knew you were angry. I knew you were hurting. I knew you needed your space but this has gone on long enough, you understand? You punishing her and not talking to her has gone on long enough. I’m not going to ask you again. You know you’ve hurt her. You know that. So just make this right.”