Different members of the group shared their opinions, and they ended up getting some good things discussed, but by the time the end of the hour was nearing, Donovan was exhausted and his shoulders tight with all the tension he was carrying.
He wrapped up things a few minutes earlier than he normally would have and let everyone file out while he stayed in his chair. He tried to focus on writing down some final notes, but Marin’s presence had his gaze straying. After telling everyone good-bye, she walked around the circle of chairs, picking up coffee cups and soda cans that people had left behind. It was a simple thing, but something about the way her skirt swished with each step and the slow click of her heels against the floor was unbearably erotic. He’d like to see her in just those heels.
She caught him watching her. “Good group. Laura’s clearly rethinking her behavior from earlier.”
Donovan grunted an agreement, trying to reel in the dangerous thoughts. “And Eli is not. But at least he behaved himself in group.”
“He did, mostly. And now I have a new term to add to my therapeutic repertoire.” She tossed the trash in the bin. “Sex brain.”
“Yeah, that’s a new one, but I think it resonated with the other members. We’ve all experienced that kind of thing at some point—jonesing for something to the point of bad decision-making. For a group fighting addiction, that can be a constant state. And unlike drug or alcohol addiction, lifelong abstinence from sex is not a reasonable goal.”
She smirked as she gathered some extra handouts and set them on one of the chairs. “I can attest that it’s survivable though.”
“Is it?” The question slipped out before he could stop it.
She paused, her smirk falling away, and peered toward the door as if to double-check they were alone. “Donovan, about earlier . . .”
When she didn’t continue, he leaned back and waited.
Her lips compressed like she was struggling to find the right words, but he didn’t fill in the silence for her. When you filled in for people, you chased off the truth. He needed to hear her truth.
She sighed. “I guess I’m the one suffering from sex brain.”
“Oh?” He tried to keep his tone neutral.
“Yes.” She walked over to the door, shut it, and then flipped the lock for good measure. When she turned back to him, her arms were crossed and her expression grim. “I’m sorry about earlier. I was caught off guard with Laura and Eli, and after everything I’ve been exposed to since I’ve started working here, all the videos and research and just—I don’t know. I guess I hit my limit, and it all spilled over. I lost my head for a second, and I—well, my reaction was inappropriate.”
“Getting turned on because you saw two people fucking isn’t inappropriate, Marin. It’s normal.”
She winced.
He should’ve apologized for using the crude term instead of the clinical one. But it was Friday, he was tired, and his ability to keep up propriety with Marin today was wearing thin. “So are we finally going to talk about this thing, then?”
“Thing?”
He braced his forearms on his thighs, keeping his focus on her. “Yeah. The glaring fact that we want each other. That earlier we almost risked both our jobs just to scratch that itch.”
She looked away, her lips rolling inward.
“I know you feel it. It’s been there since we kissed. Before that even. But I made you an offer and I’m assuming you’re not going to take me up on it. So now we’re left with this . . . thing. It’s distracting us both and it’s affecting our work.”
“Right. That thing.
” She curled her fingers around the back of one of the chairs, looking just as weary as he felt. “It’s definitely . . . distracting.”
“Then why not do something about it?”
She wouldn’t look at him.
“I told you I wouldn’t pressure you and I won’t. But if you’re feeling like this, what’s stopping you from taking me up on my offer?”
“To check off my list?”
“Yes,” he said, maybe a little too emphatically. “To check off the list, to get some experience, to release all that tension you’re carrying around. I can help, Marin.”
“Right.” She finally met his gaze, defiance there. “And that’s exactly why I haven’t said yes.”
He stared at her in confusion. “What is?”