Taryn frowned at the vehemence in his voice. “Not your fault. I’m the one who read the date wrong.”
“But you shouldn’t even have to consider…” His voice caught.
“It’s okay.” She rubbed his back. “Anytime you sleep with someone, there’s inherent risk. That’s the price. I’m a big girl. I know that.”
“No. You know it’s more than that.” He pulled back and looked down at her, anguish in his eyes. “I would never ever want to inflict…myself on you. Or a child.”
She swallowed, the words sharp and ugly to her ear. “Inflict.”
“Come on. You know what I’m saying. My family name. My genes. My history.” He released her. “I decided a long time ago that my family line ends with me. It’s the least I can do for the world. Could you imagine a kid growing up with my past in his family tree? And what if there is something genetic there?”
Taryn’s breath left her, his words breaking her heart with painful little fissures. For him, but also because she couldn’t deny the panicked thoughts that had run through her head while she was taking the test. “Shaw, I understand what you’re saying, and I’m glad there’s only one line on the test, but it’s not because I think you’re damaged goods. You realize that’s not how I see you, right? You are a different person from your brother. I wouldn’t be here at all otherwise.”
He rubbed a hand over his face and exhaled slowly. “I’m just sorry I put you through this.”
“It worked out, all right? We’re okay,” she said gently. “We’ll be more careful.”
“Right.”
She took his hand, leading him out of the bathroom. “Come on. Let’s get some dinner and relax. This is enough panic for one day.”
But as she curled up next to him that night after they’d made love, her heartbeat never slowed down. They’d dodged a major bullet, but now she couldn’t keep her mind from going down the roads of what-if. None of those roads looked good.
She was right on one thing. There was inherent risk in any sexual relationship.
But Shaw was right on the other.
This was no ordinary hookup. Theirs suddenly felt like a ticking bomb, and they were tossing that bomb back and forth between each other. Carelessly. Capriciously. Not thinking of what this could do to the people around them. She could hear the clock counting down with each of Shaw’s deep, sleeping breaths.
So many paths they could stumble upon had explosions waiting for them at the end.
What if her family or friends found out who Shaw was? Boom.
What if she had been pregnant? Boom.
What if she fell in love with him?
What if that was already happening?
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
She rolled over, facing away from him, the last thought blaring through her mind like a tornado siren. What if you love him? What if you love him?
The truth of it sank her like qui
cksand. There was no what-if. She’d gotten hit in the face with that reality tonight. She’d let it happen. Had walked right into this relationship and let the one thing she wasn’t supposed to do happen. Tonight, that ludicrous flash of hope that he was proposing had proved it. Some part of her had wanted that, had wanted to get her romantic love story.
The handsome guy. The whirlwind romance. The happy ending.
She was finally the star in her own romantic movie. Hurrah!
But she wasn’t. That was a fucking delusion. That handsome guy was someone her family would never accept. This whirlwind romance was something that would horrify her friends and put the gossipy press into a feeding frenzy. And there was no happily-ever-after. Shaw was in hiding and planned to stay that way. They could never be together like a real couple.
She needed to get through the fund-raiser at Shaw’s gym and then do what was necessary. Make a clean break. Save them both.
This was not sweet. This was not simple. This was as complicated as it got. They would have an ending. But not a happy one. Her falling in love with him didn’t matter.
Taryn suddenly had new song lyrics in her head.