“A small part. You know what I see? I see a guy who started a successful company and made it through a really tragic thing. A guy who didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable when I started here. The guy who when my head was about to tilt off the desk earlier cradled it so I wouldn’t get hurt.” She held his gaze. “You’re the guy who Ren looks at like you hold his world in your palm.”
He swallowed.
Her attention traveled over him, openly taking him in. “And you’re not all that different from the game. No blue hair, but you’re still big and intimidating. Ridiculously good-looking.” She rubbed her lips together, a rare bout of shyness surfacing. “Unlike me, who lied and went all Kate Upton when I’m more Tina Fey.”
“You didn’t lie,” he said simply.
Her lips kicked up at the corner. “Of course I did. I look nothing like—”
He sniffed. “You think I gave a shit about what your cartoon character looked like?”
“You—”
He gave in to the urge and reached out to her, gently touching a fingertip to her forehead. “This, Cora. This is who L was to me. Your words. Your wit. The way you”—he cleared his throat again and sat back in his chair—“the way you trusted me, submitted to me.”
A pink tinge stained her cheeks, her almost invisible freckles standing out in relief.
“And even though I couldn’t pinpoint it, when we first met in person, I felt something. Like this jolt of awareness. Maybe it was recognition. Some gut part of me recognizing that part of you. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get Cora the hacker out of my head.”
She smirked at that. “Not your usual type.”
“No,” he said simply.
She stiffened, his brutal honesty obviously catching her off guard.
“You’re not. Not in the obvious ways. You’re the kind of woman I prefer to be friends with.”
She winced and looked down, hiding her expression and grasping her elbows. “Right.”
He frowned, realizing how she’d taken it, and stood to step around his desk. He sat on the edge of it and bumped his knee against hers. “Look at me.”
After a breath, she lifted her head, her defenses clear in the set of her jaw.
“I mean that I only slept with people who were no risk. They were there to do some kink and go on with their day. Ironic, considering how that worked out for me. But I didn’t want to start up something with someone who I could actually get attached to, who I wanted to spend time with outside of the sex. I mean, fuck, look how long I avoided crossing that line with Ren.”
Her brows dipped.
“I cared about him too much. And someone like you . . .” He peered toward the window, remembering those long conversations with Lenore, how comfortable they’d become, how much he’d looked forward to the chats with her, not just the sex talk. “Someone who could make me laugh and help me forget all this shit I’ve been going through, someone who challenged me and turned me on at the same time? Someone who wasn’t afraid to match me toe-to-toe on kink?” He looked back to h
er, forcing himself to meet her eyes and be naked with the truth. “That’s like world-class danger for a guy who doesn’t want to fall in love. Lenore was a risk, but she was behind a screen. You, on the other hand, are a full-on terror threat.”
Her lips parted, those hazel eyes of hers tracking over his face with something akin to wonder. “I—I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“Say it was real,” he said softly.
“That what was?”
“Our conversations. The things we shared. The things we did together. The feelings you said you felt.”
She wet her lips and bravely met his eyes. “It was real.” Her throat worked as she swallowed. “It still is. I’ve been miserable all week missing you.”
Every ounce of air he’d been holding whooshed out of him.
Without letting himself think too hard about it, without giving the anxiety time to take hold, he reached out and took her hand, pulling her to her feet. He guided her between his knees, cupped her face, and kissed her, letting everything he’d felt for Lenore over all those months pour into it. She was here. She was real.
He was so tired. Tired of hiding. Tired of keeping so many emotions tucked away. Tired of being scared. Tired of fighting his instincts.
He’d let himself go with Ren and now the woman who had become such an important part of his days was here before him, in the flesh, her heart beating hard beneath his fingertips, her mouth against his. He wasn’t going to let this moment slip by and he wasn’t going to be scared.