Hayes looked down.
“And believe me, I remember how it is to feel like you’re drowning under the weight of all that heavy stuff. When you first met me, I felt like I was at the bottom of the ocean with bricks strapped to my feet. I didn’t think I’d ever surface again. Hell, I didn’t know if I wanted to. But this bossy white kid from across the street forced me to go to school every morning and talk to that nosy social worker. He made me draw my comics. He kicked my ass and forced me to go through the motions. And eventually, my brain caught up. I started seeing the other side, laughing again, having fun. Living.”
Hayes’s chest tightened. He could remember the day he’d first heard Ren really laugh. The kid had been so beat down, so quiet, for so long. But one day after school, Ren had brought Hayes to his aunt’s restaurant to introduce him to sushi. Hayes had talked a big game that he could handle spicy food, so Ren had bet him twenty bucks that he couldn’t take a big dollop of wasabi without spitting it out. Hayes had boldly popped it in his mouth and swallowed. It’d taken about five seconds before he was coughing, ten before he was crying, and fifteen before he was beseeching God for help and cursing the entire nation of Japan.
But then Ren had burst out with this full-throttle laugh that had filled the restaurant and had taken Hayes completely off guard. He’d never heard the kid sound so openly joyful. And suddenly the house of pain that the wasabi had brought on was worth every second. He’d finally gotten to meet the real Ren, had gotten a glimpse of the sarcastic, playfully sadistic smartass he’d eventually become. He’d surfaced in the ocean.
“Yeah, you were a broody motherfucker, weren’t you?” Hayes said, trying to lighten the mood.
“I was worse. I wasn’t broody, I was emo before emo existed. And you didn’t let me get away with it.” Ren stood and stepped closer. He thumped Hayes on the knee, making him look up. “So, that’s all I’m trying to do for you. You annoyed the hell out of me back then. Now I’m returning the favor. I’m not going to sit by and let you lock yourself up in the manor, Lord Hayes. I’m going to push you. I’m going to point out when a pretty woman gives you a look. And I’m going to make inappropriate sexual offers. And you are going to appreciate it, dammit.”
Hayes laughed at that, the sound hoarse and foreign in his throat. “I don’t deserve a friend like you.”
“That’s the thing,” Ren said, putting his hands on Hayes’s shoulders. “You absolutely do. You’re not just a good guy. You’re the best guy I know, Fox.”
Hayes’s jaw flexed.
“All I’m asking is that you try,” Ren said, voice softening. “Let me push you. Trust that I’ve got your best interests in mind. I’ve got your back, just like you had mine.”
Hayes’s heart was beating fast, his palms sweaty against his thighs. The thought of trusting anyone, even Ren, was so goddamned hard. But he heard what Ren was saying. Just one foot in front of the other—go through the motions. Stop running in place. “This sounds like a negotiation conversation at The Ranch.”
Ren smirked. “Oh, hell no. You would be the worst goddamned sub in the history of subs. My arm would go out before I could beat you into submission.”
Hayes grinned. “No doubt.”
“So?” Ren asked, dropping his hands from Hayes’s shoulders and folding his arms, the gauntlet laid down.
Hayes released a breath and pushed himself off the credenza. “Fine. I’ll try to let you push. I’ll come to work next week. I’ll be less brooding lord and more the guy who used to work here. But the Cora thing is a no go for me. No women. No kink. That’s all I can give you right now.”
Ren nodded, relief at the edges of his expression. “I’ll take that. For now.”
Ren held out his ha
nd like it was an official negotiation.
Hayes took it and squeezed but instead of releasing it, he tugged Ren closer. He touched his forehead to Ren’s, their hands clasped tightly between them. “For what it’s worth, you’re the best guy I know, too. And turning down your offer was and still is the hardest thing I’ve done since getting out. I won’t use you, Ren. Doesn’t mean I’m not tempted.” He swallowed hard, letting the truth slip free. “I’ve always been tempted.”
Ren closed his eyes, breathed. “Fox . . .”
In that moment, Hayes wanted to cross that line, to do something about the attraction that had simmered unspoken between them for all these years. It’d been so goddamned long since he’d touched someone, been touched. He’d just have to angle his head, brush his mouth against Ren’s. He didn’t have much experience with men, but this wasn’t just any guy. This was Ren. He had no doubt it’d be like a match struck if they ever let the smallest thing happen.
Then disaster would follow. Ren had friends. And Ren had lovers. The two didn’t cross. Something happening between them would light a match and then it’d burn everything the hell down.
Hayes released Ren’s hand and stepped back. “I’ll see you at home.”
Ren’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “Yeah. See ya.”
Their gazes held for a second too long. Hayes turned and strode out the door before he did something he’d regret in the morning.
He’d agreed to let Ren push.
He hadn’t agreed to jump off a cliff.
SEVEN
“What are you doing here so early, Junior?”
Cora glanced up to find Detective Andre Medina standing in the doorway of the computer room with a smile. She hated when people called her Junior, but somehow Medina pulled it off. Probably because he was so damn charming. He could tell you that you were under arrest and you’d happily hold out your wrists for his cuffs.