He did, almost on autopilot.
The telltale sound of a belt being unbuckled sounded behind him, and he tensed.
“Bend over and brace your hands on the back of the chair, sub.”
Theo closed his eyes. He could fight many things. He’d resisted a lot these last few years. But his submissive side was potent and starved and having Maggie behind him with a belt sounded like a gift from the gods delivered personally to him. He’d wanted so badly to get lost in the pain tonight. Maybe that’s what she was going to give him after all. Maybe she would obliterate all the other stuff for a few minutes. He couldn’t bring himself to walk away from that.
He put his hands on the chair.
But instead of feeling the welcome lash of leather against his skin, he felt Maggie’s hands on his arms. She pulled his wrists behind his back and looped the belt around them, cinching it tight.
“Wh-what are you doing, mistress?”
“My bedroom is down the hall on the left. I want you in it.” She yanked his pants and underwear back up to his hips, grabbed one of his arms and tugged him with her roughly, not looking at him.
He followed, taking in her profile as they went. Her hair was loose and wild, her lips wet from their kiss, and her jaw set. She looked fierce and beautiful and determined. In that moment, he wished he were the kind of guy who could be what she needed. One who could make that light come on in her eyes, who could make her laugh, give her pleasure, be her safe haven after a long day. A guy who wouldn’t need to be beat to a pulp anytime old memories chased him. A guy who could be touch
ed without thinking of someone else.
She led him into a large room in the back corner of the house. The hardwoods were warm and obviously original, the bed layered with colorful quilts, and the ceilings high. Books were stacked haphazardly on her night table and a small vibrator sat atop them.
A low kick of desire hit him at the sight. She’d said he’d left her frustrated all those times, had said she’d had to take care of things after their sessions. The thought of Maggie getting herself off and imagining him while she did it was almost too much to hold in his mind all at once. The man in him relished the fact that the sexual attraction hadn’t been one-sided, that he’d stood out among her other clients. But the submissive part of him felt like a failure.
His goal was supposed to be his domme’s pleasure and satisfaction. Thinking back over their times together, he’d been nothing but selfish. Yes, limits had been in place, so she hadn’t expected him to reciprocate. But he’d assumed then that she was simply doing it as a job, looking at him as a client. He hadn’t let himself consider that she was getting turned on as well, that beneath those sexy outfits had been a woman aching for more than he’d given her.
Fuck. She’d given him so much, and he’d left her with nothing. Even tonight, she’d somehow sensed that he needed to be forced into this, that giving him the choice was never going to work. She got him. Had understood him at some unspoken level from the very beginning.
Suddenly, he wasn’t so worried about what she may do to him. She’d said she wanted to use him tonight. And goddamn, he wanted to let her. Fuck all that bullshit that kept him tied up in knots. Fuck the panic. Fuck the guilt. That was his crap to deal with. He wouldn’t let it get in the way of giving Maggie every ounce of pleasure he was capable of tonight.
Tomorrow the ice would thaw. They’d go their separate ways. But tonight, he was going to worship. He would not be the stoic doctor he was out in the world, he would not be the guy afraid to let anyone too close, he would be Maggie’s—whatever she wanted.
“Mistress?”
Maggie brought them to a halt at the foot of her bed and looked at him. “Yes?”
“You won’t need the restraints tonight—unless it pleases you for me to wear them. I’m here willingly. I’m not going to leave unless you tell me to. I want …” The words got caught again.
Her eyebrows lifted slightly. “You want what, Theo?”
He inhaled a deep breath, forcing the truth out. “I want you. I want to please you. Serve you. Whatever that involves, I’m willing.”
Her expression softened for a moment, and she reached out to stroke his face. “Thank you. I don’t take that gift lightly.”
He lowered his head, showing her his acquiescence, a sense of calm coming over him for the first time tonight. There was safety in this space. He was moving into uncharted waters, but the act of submission quieted a lot of the demons for him. If he could let himself fully go there, maybe they could both escape the outside world tonight.
Maggie undid the belt, releasing his arms, and then pulled his shirt over his head. She tossed it to the floor then stepped back and gave him a once-over. His jeans hung low and open on his hips, and his cock flexed at the attention of her gaze. “You are ridiculously beautiful, Theodore. I want to paint you just like this. Bare-chested and hard and waiting for my command. I’d never have to look at another dirty picture again. I could get off on this one view every time.”
“I can stand here as long as you’d like, mistress.”
She smiled. “I bet you would, wouldn’t you? It’d be pretty challenging to keep that erection for as long as it’d take me to sketch. I guess I’d have to be creative with inspiration.”
His lips hitched up. “It would be very meta for a nude to be sketched while the artist herself was nude.”
She laughed. “Indeed. Next time.”
He held back the frown that threatened. There would be no next time. He couldn’t let there be. But he wasn’t going to ruin that smile on her face with that reality.
She stepped closer again and curled her fingers around his erection. Her hand was like silk against him, and he let out a loud exhale, trying to keep his composure. She pressed a kiss beneath his ear. “How long has it been since you’ve come, sub?”