Her face heated, and she had to choke back the urge to giggle like a teenager. “Sam.”
Tessa was used to Sam saying whatever came into her head, but having her best friend itemize sexual fantasies for consideration had her feeling awkward in a whole new way. She was still getting used to even admitting she had fantasies.
“What? Those two should definitely be on your list,” Sam said with a knowing nod. “Knowing other people could see you can be exciting. And threesomes, oh my God, some of the hottest nights I’ve ever had.”
Tessa shut her laptop with a snap. There was no way she could concentrate on work after that admission. “You’ve been in a threesome?”
Sam had never been a prude, but Tessa knew that despite Sam’s apparent alternativeness, she still had pretty traditional ideas about love and relationships.
Sam set her embroidery in her lap. “Once in college with two guys and a few years ago with a guy and his girlfriend.”
Tessa had to work to keep her lower jaw from falling open. “And you never told me this?”
She frowned. “Don’t be so surprised. I couldn’t tell you a lot of stuff. You were with Doug—a guy who preached every Sunday on TV about hell and damnation with you smiling in the pews. I didn’t know how much of that was an act and how much was really you. And any time I brought up sex stuff, you kind of clammed up. I thought I might be offending you or whatever.”
“Offending me? Seriously?”
Sam gave a little shrug. “Well, you know, not that there’s anything wrong with it, but you’ve always been exceptionally vanilla, chica. I didn’t want to freak you out.”
Tessa stared at her, a little stunned—and slightly offended. Vanilla sounded so . . . bland. Boring. But really, when it came to her sex life, wasn’t that exactly what she’d been before Kade walked back into her life? “And you’re not vanilla?”
Sam’s eyebrow ring twitched, which meant she was trying not to smile. “Let’s just say I’m still exploring what works for me. You’re take cooking and accounting classes. I’m taking bondage and dominance classes. We all have our own lists.”
Tessa set her computer on the floor and climbed into her cushy love seat, work forgotten, totally fascinated now. “You’re taking dominance classes?”
Sam feigned an innocent look. “I may or may not enjoy tying men up and making them beg. This may also be another reason Cory left me on the road. I think I scared him when I suggested rope last night.”
A laugh burst from Tessa. “Oh my God, you are such a sneaky bitch for keeping all this from me. Here I am, thinking I’m a freak for letting Kade boss me around in bed and meanwhile, you’re doing the reverse.”
Her eyes lit. “Ooh, he bosses you around in bed? Is he a dominant?”
“This is not the point,” Tessa said, jabbing a finger in her direction. “You’re not supposed to keep this stuff from your best friend. And I don’t even know what that means. Is that a thing? Being a dominant?”
Sam nodded seriously. “It’s totally a thing.”
Tessa put her hands over her eyes and leaned back against the chair. “God, even more proof I have no freaking idea what I’m doing.”
Sam laughed and plopped down beside her, putting an arm around her. “Aww, don’t worry. If he’s dominant and good at it, all you need to do is learn how to trust him and say yes, and he’ll take care of the rest. You get the easy part.”
She lifted her head. “This feels far from easy.”
“That’s because you’re still fighting with that old version of yourself. Let her go. There’s no one around to judge you now. No one to decide if you’re doing the nice girl thing or not. No caseworkers, no foster parents, and no dickhead ex-husband to make you feel like shit. Embrace the freedom of being a woman who can do whatever or whoever the fuck she wants. Because it’s fun. Because it feels good. Because you answer to no one but you.”
She leaned into Sam and smiled. “Next you’re going to tell me to take off my bra and light a match.”
Sam snorted. “Too much? I can get a little out of control with my girl power speeches, especially after a few glasses of wine.”
“Nah, it was perfect,” Tessa said, feeling lighter than she had all week.
“So when’s your next date, or should I say, lesson?”
“Tomorrow night.”
Sam shifted on the love seat to face her. “Do you know what y’all are doing?”
Tessa bit her lip and shook her head. “Nope. But whatever it is, I guess I’ll be saying yes.”