He blew out a long breath and took a turn into an empty Home Depot parking lot, cutting off the engine. He focused on the empty, orange building in front of us. “I was here to see if you were doing okay, to make sure that when you told me you were happy here, that you really were.”
I frowned. “When I told you I was happy here? Foster we haven’t talked since—”
“It wasn’t Pike who texted you.”
I stared at his profile, not even sure what to do with that information. “Why would you do that?”
He faced me finally, his blue eyes almost black in the dark interior of the car, but I could see the remorse there. “I needed you to know that nothing happened with Bret. And I had to hear from you that you were okay. You had decided to stay in Dallas for more reasons than to be with me, and I felt responsible for chasing you back here.”
I sighed. “You didn’t chase me back here—at least, not totally. They gave the job to someone else. I didn’t have anything to stay for anymore.”
He leaned back in his seat, running a hand over his face. “I fucked everything up. I’m sorry. I told you from the start that you could slow down or back out at any time, and then when you did, I acted like an asshole. You didn’t deserve that.”
I pulled my legs onto the seat and sat my chin on my knees, feeling cold despite the warm night. “No, I didn’t. And when I saw that blonde walk into your building, I wanted to throw up, Foster.” I turned my head to face him. “All I wanted was time to think, and you called up another girl before I was even out the door.”
He looked my way, expression pained. “I can’t even tell you how sorry I am for that. Nothing happened with her. I promise you. Bret is the private investigator I hired to keep digging up leads on my sister’s case. We’re friends. That’s it.”
“Friends who’ve slept together,” I said flatly.
He grimaced.
The wordless answer was like a two-by-four swinging right into my gut. I looked away, clenching my jaw to keep stupid tears from appearing.
“But that was in the past, a long time ago. And nothing was ever like . . .”
“Like what, Foster?” I asked, needing him to finish that sentence, needing to know why he was here, tearing open this wound again.
“Are you happy, Cela?” he asked abruptly.
The question caught me off guard. “What?”
“The last thing I want to do is make this worse. And even though it was killing me not to talk to you, I was going to leave you alone, let you move on with your life. But then I got an email telling me you’d activated my anklet, and . . . I just needed to know for sure. Needed to see. Are you happy? Is this where you want to be? Work? Is that dentist who was kissing you tonight the kind of guy you want to be with?”
“The dentist . . .” My jaw went slack. “You followed me on my date?”
He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Yes. And I’m not going to make excuses to justify that. It was completely out of line. I know that. I’m acting like a crazy person. But my questions still stand. Are you happy here? Is this what you want?”
“Why do you care?” I asked, still in shock that he’d followed me. That he’d watched me kiss another guy.
He reached out and grasped my chin with gentle fingers, drawing my gaze to his intense one. “I care because if you’re happy, if this is what you want, I will drive you right back home and never bother you again. I will let you go.”
I blinked, the tears blurring my vision now.
“But if you’re not, if there’s even part of you that misses me half as much as I miss you, a part that lies awake at night and can’t stop thinking about how things were with us, then please God, tell me. Because I’m fucking miserable, Cela.”
I closed my eyes, unable to bear the weight of his stare, his words. My airway seemed to narrow to a pinhole. “Foster . . .”
“And I wish I could tell you that I’ll change everything. Especially after tonight, I can see how the dominant stuff would scare you of
f. I know I can be overbearing and high-handed. And I can be fucked up and paranoid about stuff sometimes. It’s a lot. And I would fix it if I could, but I don’t know how to be any other way.”
I couldn’t look at him. It was all too much. Having him here, hearing his voice, the sharp edge of sadness in his words.
“All I can tell you is that I never intended to lock you down or take away your independence. Your strength and stubbornness are part of what draws me to you. Even with the whole anklet thing, it was never a desire to keep tabs on you or intrude on your privacy. I just . . . I was falling in love with you, and it inspired every ounce of my protective streak.”
My eyes snapped open, my heart jumping right into my throat and the word love getting tangled in my synapses.
“I couldn’t bear the thought of something bad happening to you, of losing you.” He cradled my face in his palms, every line in his expression etched with regret. “And I lost you anyway. Because I’m an idiot. I chased you away before we even got a real chance.”