“No, Jace. My choices were mine. Sleeping with you. Running away. I knew you wouldn’t have turned your back on me if I had come to you pregnant. But”—sadness choked her—“my whole life since I went into foster care was about people pretending to care about me. Out of obligation. Because there was paperwork and money exchanged. I couldn’t bear to have you be one of those people.”
“God, Evan, it wouldn’t have been like that—”
“You know that pregnancy saved my life,” she said, cutting him off. “My depression was out of control long before I slept with you. You were right to be worried when you found my scars. There wasn’t a day that passed back then that I didn’t cut. Not a week went by without me wanting to end it all.” Tears finally made it past her resistance and tracked quietly down her cheeks. “Knowing that baby was growing inside me kept me putting one foot in front of the other. Gave me a reason to stick around.”
The green in his eyes went shiny. “What happened to our baby, Ev?”
“I found an adoption agency. Lied and told them I didn’t know who the father was. They helped me with my doctor bills and some of my living expenses. It’s what allowed me to save up money to escape the guy I was taking photos for.” She swiped the moisture from her cheeks and leaned over to pull an envelope from her purse. She sat it in her lap, smoothing a folded edge. “Her name is Dahlia. And she’s gorgeous and smart and . . . happy.”
* * *
The sound of his daughter’s name reached into Jace’s psyche and sliced through all the tethers holding his emotions in control. He choked on the knot of grief that filled his throat. He had a child. One he’d never know. Never get to hold. Or tell he loved.
The knowledge swamped him, leaving him speechless, gutted.
Andre laid a steadying hand on Jace’s shoulder, a silent pillar of support.
Evan pushed forward when she saw Jace wasn’t going to respond, her voice as shaky as her hands. “I placed her with a couple who lives in Oklahoma. They never adopted any other children, so she’s the center of their universe.” She wet her lips and set the envelope she’d been holding on the coffee table. “They send me pictures every few months.”
Jace couldn’t move. There was no way he could handle looking at a photo of his daughter right now. He raised his gaze to Evan, who looked bruised and battered with her own emotions. He wanted to be angry with her. To lash out. She’d taken away his chance to know his child.
But all he could feel was sadness over the paths they’d taken, over the too harsh consequences for a simple mistake of youth. “Does she have everything she needs?”
Evan’s throat worked as she swallowed. “She has love and safety. Her parents are middle class, so they have the same financial concerns any family would. I’ve been saving everything I’ve earned over the past few years and have put it into a college fund for her. It’s not much, but I figured once Daniel’s show started, I’d be able to put enough in there to cover her through all her schooling.”
He frowned. “So your arrangement with Daniel was more than just obligation to him.”
She touched her left ring finger, that fucking engagement ring still encircling it. “I’d never be able to earn enough money in time on my own.”
“Dahlia’s college will be covered,” he said, his tone leaving no room for her to argue.
“What? No, Jace. I know your business—”
“I have the money,” he said, cutting her off. With Wyatt’s boost, no doubt Wicked would be fully back on its feet in no time. And there was no way he was letting his kid go without something.
“Thank you.” She looked down at her hands. Took a breath. “I’m sorry, Jace. I know you must hate me.”
Her assumption was like a kick to the ribs. Did she really think that was possible? That he’d hate her over mistakes she made when she was a teenager? “You don’t have much faith in me, do you?”
She wiped her palms on her jeans, her whole demeanor going into retreat mode. “I need to go.”
“You don’t have to,” Andre said, leaning forward, forearms on his thighs. Jace could tell it was taking every ounce of Andre’s restraint not to scoop up Evan and comfort her.
Her gaze flicked to Jace.
But Jace couldn’t muster up the words to say what he wanted to. He loved her. Couldn’t imagine his life without her in it. But how were they supposed to start something meaningful when she believed he’d bail at the first sign of strife?
The kind of relationship they’d be entering into would require the ultimate trust—not just the D/s aspect, but a triad to contend with. A setup that would dissolve into jealousy, mixed feelings, and insecurity if all three partners weren’t completely confident in the bond they had. Right now, she wasn’t ready for that. She’d sabotage it. They’d destroy each other.
And the realization of what that meant he needed to do just about killed him.
“Tell us what you want, Evan,” Jace said, authority underlining his tone.
She glanced from him to Andre, then back to him, the turmoil behind her eyes like a raging spring storm. “I love you both. I want to be with you, but—”
Jace raised his hand, blocking the rest of her statement. “That’s enough.”
Andre sent him a what-the-fuck-are-you-doing glare, but Jace ignored it. Evan might walk out the door and never look back, but this was a risk he had to take. Otherwise, the three of them were going to build something on a foundation of silt. A little rough water and they’d go under in a blink.