She bit the inside of her lip, not wanting Jace to know the shameful things she’d done, but knowing he deserved honesty. “He knew a guy who owned a dinky little photo studio. The guy paid me under the table, and I learned everything I could about photography.”
Jace cringed, too smart not to read in between the lines. “Behind the camera or in front of it, Ev?”
She swallowed hard. “I really would rather—”
“Tell me, Ev. I need to know what happened to you.”
“At first, the guy wanted me for photos. His Internet business thrived on underage teens. But all my . . . scars made me unmarketable.”
Jace paled. “Jesus.”
“I offered to help with the camera work and whatever errands he needed me to run. It made me sick to do it, but it was do that or end up selling more than my photography skills on the street.”
Jace put his head in his hands. “God, Ev. Why didn’t you just come home? Even if you hated me, why put yourself through that?”
She looked out at the expanse of green, so he wouldn’t see the truth on her face. She’d found out shortly after that she was pregnant and knew she’d never be able to go back to the Austins’. Scared out of her mind, she’d called the number on an adoption ad in the phonebook. The small amount of financial support she’d received through the agency had saved her life, but handing over her and Jace’s baby had been like yanking out her soul and setting it on fire.
She let out a breath. “Because I knew if I went back, I would just be sent to a girls’ home to wait it out until I turned seventeen before I got turned out on my own anyway. What did it matter? I was so lost in my depression it didn’t really matter where I was anymore.”
“I can’t even tell you how sorry I am, Evan. I feel like I ruined everything for you.”
She gave him a tired smile, the sadness over the past making her limbs feel heavy. “We both made stupid mistakes. Mistakes that other teenagers everywhere make every day. The price for me was higher because I was an emotional powder keg. I made you my life raft and that isn’t anything anyone should have to be for anyone else. Especially at that age.”
“And how are you now, Evan? Really.” His green eyes were awash with concern, his tone tender.
“I’m good. Really. When I finally earned enough money to get on my feet, I started seeing a counselor, did the antidepressant thing for a long time. Learned how to channel my need to cut into more productive things. Now if I’m stressed, I go for a punishing run instead of a razor. Or take out my camera. Or maybe spend a weekend with two guys who like to tie me up and have their wicked way with me.”
He finally smiled at that. “Is that right?”
“Yes, all that scary stuff is in my rearview mirror.”
And had stayed in her rearview because she’d taken the dangerous variables out of the equation. Can’t feel worthless if you don’t seek anyone else’s approval. Can’t feel abandoned if you don’t trust people to stay. And can’t get a broken heart if you don’t fall in love.
“So you’re happy now?” he asked, his gaze searching her face.
She absently twirled her engagement ring around her finger and sighed, her most truthful response since he’d come back in her life falling from her lips. “I’m happy enough.”
He leaned back in the lounge chair, closing his eyes for a moment as if absorbing her answer, then reached out and took her hand. “Come ’ere.”
* * *
Jace was tired. Too tired to continue thinking about the fallout with his dad. Too tired to be pissed at Andre for bringing Evan here when it was beyond crossing the line. And too tired to continue fighting how he felt about Evan.
His dad had been right on one thing—it was Jace’s fault, all the things Evan had gone through after she’d run away. Which meant it was his job to make sure he made it up to her. Fuck “happy enough.” That shit wasn’t acceptable. If Evan had told him she was truly content, he would’ve told her to get off his balcony and go home. He’d been prepared to let her go for good if that’s what was best for her.
But that’s not what her answer had been. So if Dr. Dan wasn’t making her goddamned ecstatic, then Jace figured the guy deserved to have some competition. If Evan spent two months in Jace and Andre’s bed and still wanted to be with Daniel, then so be it. But Jace was going to do everything possible to show her that she had options. No, they couldn’t offer her a fairy tale, but he and Andre could show her all they had to give.
He dragged Evan onto his lap, her warmth a welcome respite from the chill he’d carried since leaving the hospital. The rays of the late-afternoon sun slid over her left side, plunging the other half of her in shadow. Darkness and light. Sweetness with an indelible edge. “You’re beautiful, Ev. Really, knock-me-on-my-ass beautiful.”
She smirked, though the sarcasm didn’t reach her eyes. “You’ve had too much to drink I think.”
He shook his head. “You’ve never been able to see how amazing you are. It’s a terrible habit.”
She adjusted herself, sitting astride him, and reached out to run her fingertips through the hair at his temples. “I think we share the same affliction.”
He cupped a hand around the back of her neck and brought her mouth down to his. Her lips parted without hesitation, filling him with a tenderness that hadn’t been present in their previous kisses. Their tongues twined in a languid and sensual rhythm that belied the burning need that was beginning to pump through his veins. Her fingers tracked through his hair, her nails scraping along his sensitive scalp.
God, she felt good. Like she’d been made to fit against him like this.