She took a tentative step forward. “Your mom okay?”Author: Roni Loren
“Probably going to need bypass surgery, but yeah.” His words were clipped, his tone without emotion.
Evan didn’t know how to handle this version of Jace. She was so used to the guy who seemed like nothing ever got to him. She risked moving closer and sat on the lounge chair next to him. “It’s hard to imagine your mom slowing down long enough for them to even keep her in a hospital bed.”
“Huh, no kidding.” He laced his fingers between his knees, still only looking out at the trees. A long stretch of silence passed, and she began to feel like an intruder in whatever world he was lost in. It was stupid to think that she could offer him any comfort. What was she to him besides the girl he’d messed around with this weekend? He’d made it obvious that he hadn’t wanted Andre to bring her here. She shifted forward, planning to stand up and leave him to his thoughts, but his quiet voice halted her. “Mom told me what my dad said to you the night you ran away.”
The statement knocked her back on her butt. “Oh.”
He turned toward her, the wear of the day evident in every line of his face. “I need you to know that what he said wasn’t true.”
She sighed. “Jace, look, that was a long time ago. Let’s not—”
“I didn’t say the right things to you that night either. I know that. When I saw your cutting scars, I got scared.”
She looked down at her hands, her cheeks heating with shame. “You were right to be worried. I was a mess back then.”
“You were hurting, and I should’ve been there for you. Should’ve seen that you needed a friend, not a bed buddy.”
“I’m the one who kissed you first. I wanted it to happen. You had been an amazing friend to me, but I wanted all of you. Wanted you to look at me the way you looked at those girls you dated. To feel beautiful and important. It was a stupid teenage crush.”
He reached out and grabbed her hand. “And I should’ve stopped things before they turned sexual. I was nineteen and knew better. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real for me, too. You were never just some girl to me. I loved you long before you kissed me that night, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that when you needed to hear it the most.”
Her throat tightened with the old grief of that night—the devastation she’d felt when he’d turned away from her. “I was a messed-up kid, Jace. I pinned all that hope on you because you were the first boy who ever made me feel like I was worth something. It wasn’t a fair burden for you to carry. Whether you loved me back shouldn’t have been a life-and-death matter.”
He took a deep breath. “What happened when you left? Mom told me about your note.”
She shook her head, the turmoil she’d felt inside back then still branded onto her psyche. “I sat on the edge of a bridge, watching the black water swirl, thinking that if I jumped no one would miss me.”
She looked up and caught the pain that crossed his face. “Oh, Ev . . .”
“I sat there for what seemed like forever, trying to get the nerve to just do it already.”
“What stopped you?”
Her lips lifted into a humorless smile. “This cocky street kid ambled by and plopped down next to me like I’d invited him to sit there. He told me, ‘Ya know, they’ve done studies and shit. Every person who’s survived a suicide jump has said they regretted jumping halfway into the fall. Makes you feel pretty bad for the dumb fucks who don’t live to fill out that survey.’ Then he offered to share his bag of Cheetos with me.”
“Heh. And that convinced you?”
She shrugged. “Made me think of my dad. Made me wonder if he would’ve changed his mind if given the chance. And suddenly I didn’t want to end up like him. I shared the Cheetos and let the kid lead me back onto solid ground.”
“What was the kid’s angle? Trying to get in your pants?”
She laughed, the thought altogether ridiculous. “No, you would’ve been more his type than me.”
“Oh.”
“He took me back to an apartment he was crashing at. Gave me a place to stay and eventually a way to make money. Saved my life basically.”
Frown lines appeared on Jace’s face. “A way to make money?”
She bit the inside of her lip, not wanting Jace to know the shameful things she’d done, but knowing he deserved honesty. “He knew a guy who owned a dinky little photo studio. The guy paid me under the table, and I learned everything I could about photography.”
Jace cringed, too smart not to read in between the lines. “Behind the camera or in front of it, Ev?”
She swallowed hard. “I really would rather—”
“Tell me, Ev. I need to know what happened to you.”