Reid released a long breath. “I thought I’d be too late again—that I’d lost you for good.”
She fought against the lump forming in her throat. She’d thought she’d lost him forever, too. The moment the second gun had gone off had been one of the worst of her life. “Nope. You still have to put up with me every day at work.”
His fingers laced with hers. “What if I want to put up with you for more than that?”
She stared at their locked hands, the simple connection both warming her and bringing sadness all at once. Her mouth twitched. “You’re pumped full of pain meds and not thinking straight.”
“No, I’m serious,” he said, the firmness in his voice making her meet his eyes. “I’ve been up since four this morning doing nothing but thinking. I’m sorry I deceived you about why I was at The Ranch. I needed your sister for the appeal, but I won’t lie, I also wanted to knock you down a few notches. Get back at you. It was an asshole thing to do. But Brynn, as soon as you kissed me back at the initiation, it’s like I was right where I needed to be. Everything that happened after that was a hundred percent real, at least for me.”
She chewed her lip, considering him. “For me, too.”
His hand tightened around hers. “Then give me another shot to get it right.”
Her heart picked up speed, urging her to grab on to what he was suggesting. But she knew better. Nothing had changed since their conversation in the bathtub. “We want different things, Reid.”
“I want you.”
She frowned and extracted her hand from his. “You know I can’t be what you need.”
He glanced down at her body as if remembering the scars beneath, and she had the urge to cover herself with her arms. “You are what I need, Brynn. I know you’ve been through hell and it’s going to take time to work through that. But let me be there with you while you do it.”
“What if I never work through it, Reid?” she said, her voice hardening. “What if every time you touch me, I can’t help but think of all the horrid things he did to me?”
He frowned. “We’ll figure it out, sugar.”
“What? You’ll just give up being who you are if I can’t handle it? Isn’t that why you got divorced?”
His jaw flexed. “I got divorced because I didn’t love her like I love you.”
Her lips parted, the unexpected words halting all her thought processes.
He captured her wrist and forced her to scoot up the bed, then reached to cup her cheek. “My world cracked open when I thought I might never see you again. Give us another shot, sugar.”
She blinked back the tears that welled in her eyes. “Reid…”
“Yes, I am who I am. You’re the one who tried to teach me that all those years ago. And if you’re looking for a guy who’s always going to be polite and gentle and politically correct, I’m not him. But you have to ask yourself—is that what you want? I know you’re scared. But I would never hurt you. Don’t let what that bastard did change who you are.”
She dropped her gaze, staring hard at the seam on the sheets. “I’m not the girl you used to know, Reid. Things do change whether we want them to or not.”
“Then who was the girl with me at The Ranch?”
“Who was the guy who said he was done with relationships?”
He released a frustrated breath. “A guy who was too afraid to admit he had fallen in love.”
She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. “We’ve been through a lot. Trauma like this can mess with your head—make you think you want things you may not actually want. We’re both too emotional right now to make big decisions.”
He put a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Don’t give me the therapist speak, Brynn. Sure, shit like this can screw with your mind, but it also can bring things into laser-sharp focus, make you realize what’s really important. Can you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me back? That you don’t feel more alive when we’re together? Because that’s what you do for me.”
She swallowed hard, the duct tape holding together her fractured emotions threatening to bust apart. “I can’t… do this right now.”
She moved to get off the bed, but he grabbed her arm, his grip firm and his eyes blazing with determination. “You will not run from me, Brynn. Not again. You look at me and tell me the truth.”
She stilled, staring at his hand on her, then looked him dead in the eye and said the only thing she knew would free them both. “Texas.”
The hurt that crossed his face ripped her guts out, but she pasted on her stoic therapist mask—the only thing that saved her from falling to her knees in a broken heap of emotion. The sights and sounds of the rooms seemed to grind to slow motion, and the fight left Reid’s body. His hand slipped from her arm and he nodded.
Without another word, she rose off the bed and walked out the room, the tears falling as soon as she shut the door behind her.