His chest rose and fell under her cheek as he drew in a deep breath and released it. “My God, Brynn. I don’t even know what to say.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything,” she said, feeling tired, gutted.
He pressed his lips to the crown of her head, and his voice turned strained. “This was all my fault. If I hadn’t been late, I could’ve stopped him.”
“No,” she said, sitting up so she could face him. “Don’t do that. The rape was not your fault. It was that psycho’s fault, whoever he is.”
He shook his head, his jaw set. “No, I could’ve helped. Could’ve been there for you.”
The guilt in his words tore at her. “I didn’t let you. I almost broke down and called you about a week later. But then I saw the photo in the paper of you and Vanessa at that party, and I figured you were probably better off. It’s not like I would’ve been able to continue the kind of relationship we had. You saw what happened earlier. Blindfolds, being restrained, aggressive guys—it all can set off panic attacks or flashbacks for me now.”
He grimaced. “Why didn’t you tell me when we got here? I would’ve never made you do all this. We could’ve done the bare minimum to get by.”
“Talking about the details of that night just drags me back there, so I didn’t want to open myself up to that again. Plus, I thought coming here could be a cure. Sometimes throwing yourself totally into the fear can fix it.” She looked down at her hands. “I’m so tired of feeling this way, letting it interfere with my life. I wanted to see if I could force myself past it, have a shot at a normal life, a chance at finding a normal relationship.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I feel like such an asshole. I pushed you harder than I ever have. You must’ve been miserable the whole time we’ve been here.”
She gave a half-smile. “Well, not the whole time. You and Jace made it a bit difficult to focus on anything but the two of you.
I thought the rip-off-the-Band-Aid method was working, but then—”
He frowned. “I took it too far. I was so wrapped up in my own crap that I wasn’t paying attention to your signals. I’m so sorry.”
She shrugged. “It’s okay. You didn’t know. It was stupid for me to think I could get over it that easily. Clearly, I’m too screwed up for a quick fix. I just hope I can make it through tomorrow night without completely losing it again.”
He reached out and rubbed her knee. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not screwed up—you’ve been through hell. The fact that you had the balls to come here in the first place is amazing. If you want to skip tomorrow night, I can go alone—try to track Kelsey down for you.”
“No, it’s okay. She’s not going to be willing to talk to anyone but me. I’ll figure out a way to get through it. And if the panic takes over, I’ll have you and Jace there to help me.”
“I’ll be there for whatever you need.”
The sincerity emanating from his blue eyes sent hazy warmth through her. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Thank you.”
With this thumb, he swiped away the lone tear that had slipped past her lids. “Thanks for finally trusting me with the truth.”
Without considering the consequences, she dipped back down, seeking a deeper kiss. She knew it was dangerous, stupid. But after rehashing the rape, she needed to erase the ugliness of the last hour. She didn’t want to think about that night or the daunting task of finding her sister tomorrow or all the reasons why she needed to avoid Reid now. All she wanted to do was bury herself in the feeling she used to get when it was just the two of them—like no problem in the world was too big to tackle.r: Roni Loren
His brows drew together, still processing her sudden appearance. “What are you doing here, Ness?”
She hopped off the car and brushed invisible dirt from her white tennis skirt. “Your aunt said you’d go with me to the Stevens’ barbecue tonight. Didn’t she mention it to you? Both she and your uncle are going.”
“Um, not so much,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “And I’m really sorry, but I have plans tonight.”
She stuck her bottom lip out as if it held some magic power to change his mind. “But I can’t go by myself—how would that look? Lauren Gates is going to be there and you know she’ll never let me here the end of it if I show up without a date.”
Reid closed his eyes and counted to three. Be nice. He’d been accompanying Vanessa to events over the summer to make his aunt and uncle happy, and she really was a great girl. But she wasn’t Brynn. “Ness, I really can’t.”
Her pout lifted into a coy smile. “Come on. After the party, we can hang out at my place. My parents went to the lake house for a few days, so we’ll have it all to ourselves.”
He had to stifle a laugh. So, Miss I-Wear-a-True-Love-Waits-Ring was ready to have him over for dessert. Guess true love only waits until the parents are out of town. He shook his head. A few months ago, he would’ve jumped on the opportunity to entertain the pretty debutante for the weekend. But the thought held no appeal anymore.
The only person he wanted curled up next to him in his bed was Brynn. His Brynn. Who was going to be pissed if he showed up late for their big date. “Wow, I appreciate the offer, but I can’t break this commitment. I’m sorry you came all the way out here.”
As he stepped past her and hit the unlock button on his keypad, she reached out and grabbed his arm. “Hey, wait. My dad dropped me off. I didn’t bring a car.”
Motherfucker. He glanced at his watch and sighed. The Stevens’ house was at least ten minutes out of the way. “Fine, get in, I’ll drop you off on my way.”
She smiled and lifted on tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Great, and maybe you can just stop in for a minute and say hi.”