Kade stood firm, blocking the threshold with his body. "I've said all that I needed to."
"But I have not." Another look went in Alex's direction. "Hear me out. Please, son." Kade had never heard his father utter either one of those words in conversation with him before. Perhaps that was why he finally loosened his death grip on the door handle and stepped aside to permit his father entry.
But he wasn't about to budge where Alex was concerned. "Anything you have to say to me can be said in front of Alexandra. She is my mate. I will keep nothing from her." Kir's brows rose ever so slightly on his proud forehead. "Of course." He inclined his head in Alex's direction, a gesture of respect that won him a few small points with Kade. "Is it all right with you if we sit for a while, son?"
Kade nodded, then held his hand out to Alex in a motion for her to join them. She glided over and sat beside him on the sofa, Kir taking the leather chair across from them. For a long moment, the elder male merely looked at the both of them, his expression unreadable, his shrewd eyes unblinking as he silently appraised them.
"Today was a day I prayed would never come," he said at last. His deep voice sounded hollow, still raw from grief. "For a very long time, since you were mere boys, I have lived in fear of the thought of losing your brother."
Kade dropped his gaze, fresh shame rising up on him. "I know you're disappointed, Father. I know ... ah, Christ." Alex slipped her hand into his, her fingers wrapped around his own. Kade swallowed past the ash that seemed to have settled in his throat. "I know you must wish that it was me, not Seth."
"You know nothing," Kir snapped. Kade's head came up at that, and his father's voice gentled. "You don't know what I wish, or what I feel. How could you know, when I never gave any of myself to you? I poured everything into Seth instead. I gave him too much."
Kade shrugged. "He was your son. You loved him."
"You are also my son," he replied. "And I love you both, Kade. But it was Seth who needed it more. He never had your independence. He wasn't born with your courage."
Kade frowned. "You doted on him. Everyone did."
"Yes," he admitted. "Because you were stronger than he, Kade. In every way, you were his better. Seth knew that as well as I did. I tried to compensate for his failings by giving him more attention than I did you, but it spoiled him even more."
"You let him handle Darkhaven business for you," Kade pointed out. "You seemed to be grooming him for a Darkhaven of his own."
Kir slowly shook his head. "A father's futile hopes, nothing more. I tried to give him the chance to make something of himself. Time and again I tried. Seth would never have made a good leader. He was too weak, too insecure."
"And me?" Kade asked, the question blurting out of him before he had the chance to bite it back.
"You," Kir said, thoughtful as he looked at him. "You were untamable. You were unstoppable, from the moment you came howling and kicking out of your mother's womb. You were a force of nature, Kade. Everyone who looked upon you saw that you were something unique, something special. I knew a child once who was not so different from you."
"Grigori," Kade murmured, watching his father's expression mutate from mild surprise to remembered regret.
"Grigori," Kir repeated quietly. "I presume you heard something about him from my other brother, Maksim."
Kade nodded. "Max told me a little. I know that Grigori meant a lot to you, and I know that he went Rogue."
Kir's brows rose a fraction. "Yes, he did."
"And you thought I would end up like him one day."
"You?" He scowled, then gave a small shake of his head. "I never thought that of you. It was Seth I worried about. You reminded me of Grigori, that is true. Everything vibrant and robust and strong in him, I saw in you, Kade. Seth, however, had none of those qualities. He was only like my brother in that he possessed the same flaws and insecurities that eventually doomed him. I knew it, and I lived in dread of what might become of Seth. As for you, I could only hope that you would never be put into the position that I had been with Grigori. I prayed you would never be faced with that kind of decision." Something cold coiled around Kade's heart at his father's words. Alex's fingers tightened around his as if she, too, felt the dread of what Kir might say. "Tell me what happened, Father."
"I never wanted you to have to shoulder the burden of having to destroy something you loved." Kir's eyes dimmed with regret. "I thought that if I kept Seth close enough, if I gave him every opportunity to prove himself, my strength might be enough to hold him up. If I could keep Seth from giving into the weakness I saw in him from the time he was a child, then maybe he wouldn't end up like Grigori. Maybe you would not be forced to do what I had to do."
"Max said Grigori was never seen or heard from after your family received word that he'd gone Rogue and killed someone in his Bloodlust. Max said you refused to speak of Grigori after that." Kir nodded grimly. "There was no need to speak of him again. He was dead. As his brother, I felt it was my duty to make sure that he could never kill again."
Alex exhaled the smallest gasp at the sober confession. Kade was stunned to discover how similar his father's path had been to his own, how much he never knew about the male who'd sired him or the life his father had led before Kade and Seth had been born.
He muttered a curse, but there was no venom in it. There never could be again, not after tonight. "I have resented you nearly all my life," he admitted. "I thought you despised me." Kir clucked his tongue, gave a remorseful shake of his head. "Never. I only wanted the best for you. For both my sons. And now, for the two new ones who will be born in a few short weeks, as well."
"We have wasted a lot of time on secrets and festering fears," Kade said to him. He turned a look on Alex, swamped by love for the female who owned his heart. "I can't waste another minute like that." Kir stood up. "Nor should I waste any more of your time when you and Alex could be spending it together. I want you to know that I am proud of you, Kade. And I am glad to see that you have found happiness. You've found love, and next to all your other strengths, that is the one that will see you through any challenge."
Kade swallowed, gave an awkward nod. "Thank you, Father."
"How long will you and Alex be staying here at the Darkhaven?"
"Not long," Kade replied. "A few more hours at the most. Some of my brethren from the Order are waiting in a town not far from here. We have a mission to wrap up, and then we'll be heading back home."
"Both of you?" Kir asked, glancing from Kade to Alex.