After I shower, since I’m not tired but don’t want to leave my room, I lie in bed and pull up surfing videos on my laptop. With Alec on my mind, it’s hard to focus on what I’m watching. A few videos in, there’s a knock on my door. I consider pretending I’m asleep in case it’s Alec, but worry it might be Georgia. She’s been hanging out with Robert a lot lately. I need to make it a point to hang out with her soon so we can talk about him.
“Come in,” I call out.
Of course it’s Alec who steps through my doorway. Dressed in a pair of red basketball shorts hanging low on his hips, a white T-shirt stretched across his chest, and a knowing smirk on his lips, he saunters into my room like he owns the place.
“What do you want?” I groan.
“I thought we could watch TV.” He shrugs, nodding for me to scoot over. When I ignore his silent request, his mouth quirks into a lopsided grin. “Have it your way.”
Before I can protest whatever he’s thinking of doing, he’s scooping me into his arms. He plops onto my bed and settles me across his lap, his arms encasing my body tightly, so I can’t try to crawl off him.
“Alec!” I shriek, wriggling to get free.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he warns.
Confused, I continue wriggling, until I feel something hard against my ass, and then it hits me—I’m grinding against his crotch. My neck and cheeks warm in embarrassment, and Alec barks out a laugh.
“Fuck, you’re so adorable.”
When I glare at his choice of words, he sobers. “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being adorable.”
“Little kids are adorable.” I pout. “Puppies are adorable…”
“You are adorable,” he repeats. “Ninety-nine percent of the time, you’re this badass, wild little thing who takes no prisoners. Nothing bothers you; nobody fazes you. But then, every once in a while, you let a select few see the real you. The you that’s vulnerable and insecure and shy.” Alec runs his fingers through my hair and, stopping at the back of my nape, tugs softly so my chin is jutted out and we’re locking eyes. “The way your skin turns the most beautiful shade of pink, giving away your true feelings. It’s so fucking adorable, and beautiful, and sexy.”
I swallow thickly at his words, trying to push the golf ball-sized lump down my throat so I can breathe. He warned me he wasn’t going to give up, but I wasn’t prepared for all this. His words, his touch…
“You’re not playing fair,” I whisper, my heart beating erratically.
“I never said I would,” he murmurs. His fist tightens on my hair and he pulls my face to his. “Your excuse for not giving us a chance is that I only want you because my dad died, but that’s not the truth and we both know it. You’re scared to let me in, and I get it, Lex. I was scared too. Hell, I still am. I told you the kiss shouldn’t have happened because I was terrified of what it would mean to admit my feelings for you. But now, I’m more terrified of you never knowing how I feel. Of us never getting our chance.” He brushes his lips against mine, and a shiver erupts down my spine.
“I’m in love with you, Lexi,” he says against my mouth. “And all I want is to show you just how much…”
“Alec,” I breathe, but the argument can’t get past my lips.
“I love you,” he repeats. “And I know you love me.”
I should tell him it would be better to wait until he isn’t so emotional to make a decision like this. Give him more time to grieve over his father. There’s a chance he’s going to wake up in the morning and want to take this all back, but he’s right. I do love him. I’ve been in love with him for years, and what if he wakes up in the morning and still feels the same way? Sure, there’s a chance we end up like Joey and Dawson, but what if we’re not them? What if we’re actually Joey and Pacey, and taking this chance means we’ll get our happily ever after? It’s a chance I have to take. Because if I don’t, I know I’ll always regret it.
“I do love you,” I admit. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I don’t even know when it happened. Maybe it was when we were younger and you would help me defend Georgia against the mean kids at school. Or it might’ve been when you would pick me up at five in the morning to take me surfing because you had your license and I didn’t, and you would sit in the sand and watch me for hours without complaining. I don’t know. I just never…” My voice wavers as I’m overcome with emotions I never thought I’d be able to express. “I never thought you would ever feel the same way, and now that I know you do, I’m scared shitless.”