My shoulders tense as Carrick gets lost in the memory of a story. As he explains it to me in simple terms, I can see by his expression and the warmth of his tone that he’s drawn back into time and a memory that was incredibly special to him.
My heart twists when his eyes start to glow.
“Eireann and her father had a flock of sheep they tended on their small farm,” Carrick continued, voice more tender when he says her name. “She was a shepherdess, but she was also a warrior because she would have killed that Viking had I not.”
I couldn’t stand the buildup anymore. “You loved her,” I say, hoping my tone isn’t accusing.
His eyes bore into mine, the glow brighter than ever. “I did. Still do for that matter.”
I want to pull away, run, and hide. He told me it couldn’t work, yet he tried it with someone else before me. Someone he still loves.
Yet, my pride makes me stay. I smooth my features, tipping my head in curiosity. “What happened?”
“What happened?” Carrick repeats the question almost as if he doesn’t know the answer. But his answer couldn’t be any more direct. “We fell deeply in love. Her father died not long after we met, and I married her. She came to live with me in my manor home, and we had seven perfect and blissful years together. The absolute best years of my life.”
My stomach cramps at the realization I’m in love with a man—well, demi-god—who’s still in love with a dead woman from over a thousand years ago. Still, I hold myself rigid and keep my ears open because, as I suspected, we are going to change after he finishes his story and I need to know the new boundaries.
I can’t help but ask, though… to speed this along. “But you told me it couldn’t work between a mortal and an immortal.”
“Aye,” he says, lapsing into what sounds like a distinct Irish brogue, probably brought out by his memories. “And the reason I’m telling you this story is so you know why I believe this to be true.”
“Did she know the truth about you?” I ask.
“Eireann knew everything about me. We had no secrets from each other. But as time wore on, it became clear I hadn’t thought about how life would be as she started to age, and I never would. I was determined to stay with her for the length of her natural life. That was never a question because I loved her so much. But because I loved her that much, I knew that wasn’t good enough.”
I frown, not understanding how it could be made any better.
He enlightens me. “I first appealed to the gods, begging them to release me. Make me a mortal man and let me live, age, and die alongside the love of my life.”
I can’t help but flinch when he calls Eireann his love—a woman he was willing to give up immortality for.
Carrick’s tone turns hard. “But the gods denied me, and I sought to find another way for us to be together.”
“Did you find it?” I ask, even though I know he’s going to tell me he did.
“An elixir I learned about,” Carrick murmurs, his gaze falling away to the water once more. “Made in the land of the gods from a flower that no longer existed. It would give a person who drank it near immortality. If I could get my hands on it, she wouldn’t age, and we could be together forever.”
“And did you?” I rasp because this story seems to have turned into a freight train of doom.
“I did,” he says bitterly, his gaze swinging back my way. “I stole it from Rune, the god of Life. He had the last known amount of the elixir and, unbeknownst to me, had actually been intending to use it on a human woman he had fallen in love with.”
“What happened?” I whisper, knowing whatever it is, it can’t be good.
“He caught me,” Carrick replied flatly. “But I fought for it because even though I knew Rune could kill me with a mere thought, I wanted that elixir more than my own life.”
Once again, I try to tug my hand away, not from any sense of jealousy, which I had admittedly before, but because I’m not sure I want to hear any more. I can tell by the pained look on his face and the heaviness in his voice that nothing good will come of this story.
“In our fight,” Carrick said dully, “the bottle of the elixir got broken, and the very last amount of the liquid that could give immortality seeped into the dirt and was lost forever.”
“He didn’t kill you for that,” I say. Not a question, but a clear statement because obviously, Carrick is still very much alive.