He knew it wasn’t the simple matter of not taking a phone call. He wasn’t so paranoid as to believe the course of his fortune had changed overnight. No, it had happened long before that; it had started at Millie and Chase’s wedding when Zoe Parker had taken his phone and he’d let her. He could have got it back sooner. He could have handled that whole situation differently, but instead he’d given her control because he’d been so in lust with her right from the beginning. Enthralled and excited by her daring, by her playful smile and the spark he’d seen in her eyes.
And from that moment on he’d lost his focus—asking her to move in with him, coming home early because she’d asked him to, spending two weeks on a remote Caribbean island. All of it added up to a perfect opportunity for someone to step in and sweep away all his work like so many flimsy dominoes. And he’d allowed it to happen.
Enough. Aaron rose from the desk. Self-recrimination was almost as bad as self-pity and a waste of time. What was done was done. He was hardly destitute; he’d received a substantial pay-out and St Julian’s, owned jointly by all three brothers, remained in the family. His apartment was his own, without a mortgage, as was a summer house he owned in the Catskills. He had some personal investments. Everything else was gone.
He’d practically given it away.
Shaking his head, Aaron reached for his coat and the briefcase he wouldn’t need any more. He’d have one of the errand boys bring down his boxes. He’d have to take a cab; the limo was a corporate perk.
‘Hello, Aaron.’
Aaron jerked his head around to see, to his surprise, his brother Luke standing in the doorway. ‘Come to gloat?’ he asked, hearing the bitterness mixed with gallows humour in his voice. ‘I suppose I deserve it.’
‘I’m not gloating.’
‘I know I never gave you the control you wanted.’ For fifteen years Luke had worked for Bryant’s retail arm, but Aaron had still initialled every decision. It had been a deliberate choice, because from the beginning everything had felt so perilous. Losing control would have meant losing the company…just as he’d done now.
‘It’s true you didn’t,’ Luke said, stepping into the office. ‘Why didn’t you, as a matter of interest?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I always thought it was just because you were a control freak. Or that you didn’t trust me.’
‘I didn’t trust you,’ Aaron answered bluntly, and Luke let out a short laugh.
‘So it really was that simple.’
No, nothing had been simple since his father had died and he’d discovered the empire he’d inherited was rotten to the core. He’d never felt so betrayed in that moment, abandoned by his idol, alone at twenty-one to resurrect a business bankrupted by his father’s folly. And he’d succeeded…for a while. Until his own foolishness had cost him everything.
‘I didn’t trust anyone,’ Aaron said. ‘Not even myself. And I was right, wasn’t I?’ He let out a bitter laugh. ‘I lost everything.’
Luke was silent for a long moment. ‘And don’t you think that was a choice?’
‘A choice?’ A bad one, then, to follow his libido rather than his brain. His heart rather than his head.
‘Aaron, I know you’re piling the guilt on yourself now, but you are one hell of a sharp guy. I don’t think an upstart computer geek could steal your company from under your nose without you knowing about it.’
Aaron stilled, his gaze narrowing in on his brother. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m no shrink, but I’m saying that some part of you knew this was happening—and allowed it.’
‘No.’ The denial was immediate, instinctive.
‘Father always put far too many expectations on you, even when you were a little kid. I think you knew you were going to be CEO when you were about six. Is it any wonder you might want to rebel against that?’
Aaron didn’t answer. His mind was spinning with this new knowledge, this sudden realisation that Luke was right—that he’d known about the possible takeover for weeks, maybe even months, and had in some secret part of himself wanted it to happen. Had wanted to lose Bryant Enterprises because for once he wanted to be his own man, free to chose his own path.
A path that would have included Zoe…if in the first shock of loss and fear he hadn’t pushed her away and destroyed any chance they had together.
‘How do you feel now?’ Luke asked quietly. ‘Now that it’s all gone, and none of it matters anymore?’
Aaron considered the question. He’d been numb since it all started unravelling three days ago, getting through the mechanics of each day, of taking a life apart. And now? ‘I feel…free,’ he admitted in a kind of hesitant wonder, and then he looked away. The confession felt like a betrayal.
‘That’s how I felt too,’ Luke said. ‘When I walked away from Bryant Enterprises. I didn’t realise what a shackle it had been until it was gone.’
A shackle. Yes, it had chained him, maimed him: the endless attempts to rebuild a company teetering on the edge of disaster; all his beliefs about his father; his family destroyed.
‘Bryant Enterprises has been in our family for a hundred years,’ he said in a raw voice. ‘You can’t just walk away from that.’
‘That was the problem, wasn’t it?’ Luke answered, his mouth twisting sardonically. ‘It was damn hard for me to walk away. I can only imagine how difficult it’s been for you.’
‘Even so.’
‘That company was killing you, Aaron. Maybe you can’t see it, but I can from here.’
Aaron blinked hard. He knew Luke was right, even if he hated to admit it. Even if his freedom felt like weakness. ‘Still,’ he said with a ragged sigh, ‘I made a huge mess of things.’
Luke remained silent for a moment. ‘You mean Zoe.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I don’t, really. Chase told me a little. Do you love her?’
Yes. The admission, made in the silence of his own heart, stunned him. He knew it was true. And it was too damn late. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘How can you say that?’
‘Because she won’t forgive me,’ Aaron snapped. ‘Even if I wanted to be forgiven.’
‘And you don’t?’
Did he want to go back to Zoe a defeated, ruined man? No. He wanted to return to her on his terms—proud, in control. Arrogant. Autocratic. A control freak, just as she’d once called him.
Was he capable of change? Was he capable of going to Zoe and admitting his weaknesses, his failures? The thought was abhorrent…yet necessary.
Perhaps this was the only way. He gave his brother a wry smile. ‘This is tough.’
Luke let out a laugh and shook his head. ‘Don’t I know it.’
‘You’re happy, though, with Aurelie,’ Aaron said, and he nodded.
‘Absolutely. And you can be too, Aaron, but you’re right, it’s not easy. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.’
As he left the building for the last time Aaron felt that shackle finally slip off. Strange, how liberating it truly was. He had no idea what he’d do now, but the realisation that Bryant Enterprises was no longer his responsibility, his burden, almost made him giddy with relief…instantly followed by an instinctive disgust.
What kind of man did that make him?
A free man, a man at liberty to make his own choice. Zoe had been right when she’d asked if it was the lack of choice he’d minded. Now he’d made his choice, even if he hadn’t realised it at the time. He’d chosen freedom, independence. Possibility.
Shaking his head, Aaron knew it would be a long time before he could reconcile his conflicting emotions. Before he could be at peace with what had happened.
And as for what had happened with Zoe…regret lanced through him. He’d treated her so very badly, hadn’t even been willing to give her an explanation, a chance. He’d been reacting on instinct, out of fear. And not just fear, but disgust; thinking he had acted just like his father. Been as weak as the man he’d once idolised.
He’d been wrong.
Would Zoe give him another chance? He felt his heart thud at the thought of confronting her, asking for her forgiveness. He’d been able to say a few careless sorries to her before, but this was something entirely new and different, and all too risky.
And yet necessary.
He hailed a cab and told him to head uptown, to Millie and Chase’s brownstone.
Millie answered the door when he arrived, her face pulling into a ferocious frown.
‘I should slam this door in your face.’
‘Is Zoe here?’
‘If she were, I wouldn’t—’
‘Millie, please.’ He held up one hand to stem her tirade, and she sighed.
‘The only reason I’m not slamming this door in your face is because I happen to know that Bryant men can be rather stupid about women and love.’
‘Phenomenally stupid.’
‘That was the right answer.’ Millie smiled, but it quickly faded. ‘Don’t hurt her, Aaron. She’s been hurt before. I didn’t even know how badly.’
‘I know.’