Eric, one of her colleagues, walks up to her and whispers into her ear. In his hand, he has a portable bell, and he rings it, calling for everyone to get seated. I slip into a back chair where I have a nice view of the proceedings.
I haven’t spotted Leonard yet. I hope he doesn’t show up. From what I gathered, he’s not Judy’s favorite person, so it’s possible he did not get an invitation.
Music drifts down from speakers hidden behind trees and flowers. The groom goes to the front, and the wedding march comes on. We all stand up as Judy walks down the aisle. She’s beaming from ear to ear and only has eyes for Josh.
Envy comes over me. I’ll never take love for granted again. If I ever get to meet that special person again, I’ll hold on to them for dear life. The ceremony goes smoothly, and afterward, we stand and cheer as Judy and Josh walk back up the aisle.
I turn to my right and find Marian looking at me, a stunned expression on her face. I smile tentatively, and she smiles back. Instead of following everyone else to the ballroom, I stay behind, and so does Marian.
She comes to me. “What a nice surprise.”
From what I can tell, she means it. “You look beautiful. Pregnancy suits you.”
She laughs softly. “Thank you.”
“How do you feel?” I ask her.
“Physical miserable. I’m sick every morning, and I love it,” she says and laughs again.
“I wish I could be there to be physically ill with you every morning,” I say without thinking.
The change is instant. “Let’s not play games, Declan. I can’t bear to go through that pain again.”
I feel as if we are communicating in different dialects in English. I decide to change the topic. “You’ve done a good job. Everything looks beautiful.”
“Yes, thanks,” Marian says dully.
Feeling as if I’m imposing or taking too much of her time, I take a step back. “It was nice to see you.” I don’t want to walk away, but our meeting has reminded me why Marian and I can’t work.
I turn away.
“What did you come here for?” Marian’s sharp voice stops me in my tracks.
I whirl around.
“Did you come to gloat over how well you’re doing? How unaffected you are by everything?”
And just like that, I snap. I close the distance between us. “What the fuck are you talking about, Marian? You’re the one who lied to me. You made me think we had something special when all along you were weighing me and Leonard like an old lady in a farmer’s market picking out tomatoes.”
“What do you mean?” she says, her voice lowered.
“Oh, I know that you were contemplating going back to Leonard. Are you together now? Are you planning on raising my baby with him? Tell me something, Marian, why didn’t you just have a baby with him if you love him so much?”
Marian is shocked into silence.
“I don’t even know why I came. I’m a fool. And you know the worst of it. I still love you. Go and tell Leonard that, and you two can laugh together. This is the last of me that you’ll see.” I turn and walk away.
I love Judy, and I feel bad that I’m at the bar instead of at the reception toasting the bride and groom. Two beers in, and I’m beginning to feel human again.
I feel rather than see Marian’s presence at the barstool next to me. “Did you come to gloat over how well you’re doing? How unaffected you are by everything?” I throw her words back at her.
She cringes visibly. “No, I didn’t. I think we need to talk honestly, and I want to go first.”
I don’t see what good it will do us, but I’m here already, and to be honest, I’m desperate to hear what she has to say.
“I’m sorry, Declan, for so many things, the biggest of which was not trusting you to see who I was,” she says. “I never wanted to go back to Leonard. I wanted his daughter. A sweet three-year-old called Samantha.”
She tells me about how Leonard tried to lure her with Samantha since he knew how badly she wanted a baby. And she had just lost a pregnancy that she believed was the baby she longed for.
My eyes are wet as she speaks.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask her. What was it about me that made her frightened to confide in me?
“That’s not all,” Marian says, wiping tears with the back of her hands. “I was seeing a therapist. Still am.”
“When we were together?” I ask her, the shock I feel evident in my voice. How could she have kept so much from me?
She nods. “You married a woman you thought was perfect, and I wanted that illusion to remain intact. I didn’t think you’d love me if you knew how flawed I was.”