That brings fresh tears to my eyes, but after a moment, I realize that Declan is right. Why is it so hard for some people to have babies, and for others, it’s so easy? Women like Samantha’s mother. She walked away from her sweet three-year-old because Leonard would not marry her.
Declan holds me until I feel myself drifting off to sleep. I don’t fight it. Anything is better than the painful thoughts running through my mind.
When I wake, I’m covered by a warm cozy blanket, and the lights are off. Confused, it takes a moment to figure out where I am. Then the events of the afternoon come to mind, and I lie in the darkness with tears streaming down my face.
Finally, I push away the blankets and make my way downstairs. Declan is in the living room staring at the TV, but from his still profile, I doubt that he’s watching the news on the screen. He looks so lost in thought; my heart goes out to him. I’m sure that he’s thinking about our baby. I pad to him and slide onto his lap. That’s when I see the tears running down his cheeks. He tries to wipe them away.
“It’s okay to cry,” I tell him. “He was real to us.”
He nods. “And there’s no reason why we can’t try again.”
I flinch. I can’t think about that, but I can’t tell Declan that now. I don’t respond, and he assumes that I agree with him. We sit like that, holding each other, rocking back and forth. I lose track of time until my stomach growls, and I realize that I haven’t eaten anything all day.
“I made a vegetable soup,” Declan says. “My grandmother’s recipe.”
I perk up. “Oh really? How do you make it?” I get up from his lap at the mention of food.
“You dice any vegetable you can lay your hands on and toss it into a pot and fill it with water. Boil it until you’re ready to eat,” Declan says in a sing-song voice.
I laugh as I lead the way to the kitchen. Delicious smells greet me, and I go for the pot on the stove. I pull away the cover and dip a stirring spoon. “Looks ready to me.”
Declan chuckles. “Anything would look ready to you right now. Sit down, and I’ll bring it to you.”
I turn to face him. “Thank you for being so kind to me.”
“You’re my wife,” Declan says.
Am I really? I’m legally married to another man. The euphoria I was feeling moments ago disappears like smoke wafting up the skies. Melancholy settles over me, but I make sure to hide it.
“How about a movie after dinner?” Declan says as he brings two bowls of soup to the island countertop.
“Sounds good,” I say with fake cheerfulness.
Declan hooks a finger under my chin. “You don’t have to be happy for me. I know you’re sad, sweetheart. So am I. We’ll get through this, okay?”
I bite my lower lip to keep myself from bursting into tears. “I don’t deserve you.”
“I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you,” Declan says.
Chapter 30
Declan
I hate that Marian has to go to Arlen tomorrow without me, but the equipment is starting to be delivered, and I’ll need to be at the shop. She’s going to meet up with Leonard, and she insists that she’ll be fine, and I have to keep my promise to give her space.
But what happens when she needs me, and I’m so far away?
“You’re up early,” she says and turns to slip a hand around my waist and lays her head on my chest.
I hold her close. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Is it because I’m going to Arlen tomorrow?” she asks.
“Maybe.”
She laughs softly. “You can admit it; I won’t be mad.”
“Okay. I’m worried that if you need me, I’ll be too far off,” I say.
“I’ll be fine. I promise. Leonard sounded like he wants to wrap this up. I’ll also sneak in a meeting with Mom and Josh and some vendors. Mom didn’t like the flower vendor. She says their flowers are usually wilted.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know how you keep people calm and focused on their most important day amidst all the chaos of the preparations.”
“The good bits outweigh the bad.”
She caresses my chest and teases my man nipples with her tongue.
“Are you ready to deal with the consequences of your actions?” I growl.
“I am,” she says.
We haven’t made love since the baby episode, and I’m not sure it’s the right time. “Are you sure? Do you need more time?”
“I’m fine,” she says and looks at me with her emerald green eyes. At that moment, I can happily chop off my arm and give it to her. “I need you.”
“I’ll be gentle,” I say.
“I’m tired of gentle,” she declares harshly.
I ignore that and proceed to make slow sweet love to her. I shut her up by kissing her, exploring her mouth like it’s the first time we’re kissing. She smells so sweet, my Marian. Soon she’s moaning and pleading with me to take her.