“Speaking of the baby, isn’t your appointment with the obstetrician tomorrow?” Declan says.
I nod, unable to speak because of the food in my mouth.
“I want to come with you,” Declan says.
I almost choke on my food. Somehow, I hadn’t thought about Declan coming with me. Leonard never attended even one appointment with me.
“Is that okay?” Declan asks.
I swallow. “Yes, of course.” Emotion grabs me by the throat. That’s a nice thing for Declan to do.
“Any morning sickness today?” he says.
“No, come to think of it, none at all.” I grin, pleased that the uncomfortable nauseous episode is over. Hopefully, for the rest of my pregnancy.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there this morning,” Declan says.
“It’s fine. We don’t have an agreement that you should be by my side all the time,” I say, a defensive note in my voice. I can’t bear to look at him because I might burst into tears. I attribute the swirl of emotions in me to pregnancy.
Declan places his hand on mine. “Maybe. But we had an unstated agreement that I would come home. I came, sat in the drive for a few minutes, then decided to go to Santa Monica.”
I stare at him, shocked. I can’t imagine him being in the driveway and not coming in. “Why?”
“You were upset, and I didn’t want to be in your face,” Declan says.
“You wouldn’t have been in my face,” I say. “Besides, this is your home too, and you have a right to be here.”
“Now I know,” Declan says. “Now, we need to talk about yesterday.”
I inhale deeply. “We do.”
“I’m not sure I understand the boundaries of our marriage. I don’t trust Leonard, and I didn’t want to leave you alone with him. Marian, this is a man who hit you.”
“I get that,” I say. “But Leonard was in my office. I was surrounded by people. I didn’t need you to protect me.” It hurts to see the hurt that comes over his features, but I have to say it. “I’m not a damsel in distress, Declan, and I’ll never allow myself to be that again.”
He looks away before he swings his glance back at me. “You make me feel things I’ve never felt before, and I just don’t know how to do this.”
“Me too, Declan,” I say, forging ahead. “I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel, but I’m frightened too. There’s so much at stake now.”
He stares at me intently. “I want to be in you and the baby’s life forever, Marian. We can do this.”
I let out a shaky breath. “I want that too, but I have to trust that you’ll give me space. I’ll let you know if I need you.”
Declan is silent for a moment. “I’m not sure that’s a promise I can keep. I’m naturally protective of people I love.”
Frustration wells up inside me. “Can you at least promise to try?”
He nods. “Sure.”
Chapter 29
Marian
I dozed most of the morning, but I can’t bring myself to be mad at Declan for keeping me up half the night. I enjoyed his gentle lovemaking, though it was a little frustrating. He insisted on being super gentle because of the baby.
My appointment with the obstetrician is at noon, and at eleven-thirty, Declan shows up at my office. The corners of my lips lift in a smile when I hear his voice. My sleepiness disappears, and I turn off my computer and start to get ready to leave. We meet at the doorway and pause for a few seconds to hug and kiss. I like being a couple. I forgot how nice it was always to have someone to hug and hold.
“Are you excited?” Declan asks me in the car.
“I am,” I say. “Distract me and tell me about the renovations. The opening day is coming up.”
“I know. I’ve done it once before with the Santa Monica one, but it feels like the first time.”
“You sound like a virgin who is not sure whether she had sex or not,” I tell him with a laugh.
Declan bursts out laughing. “You have a way with words, but that’s exactly how I feel. Anyway, it’s going well. The equipment starts coming in next week.”
Talking about the pizza shop keeps me distracted until we get to the clinic.
“Here goes,” Declan says as we leave the car and walk up to the clinic’s double glass doors.
At the reception, I give the lady my name, and she directs us to a waiting room down the hallway. Two other very pregnant women are seated in the waiting room. My gaze gravitates toward their tummies with a mixture of envy and awe and fear. How will I handle it when I get to the five-month mark knowing that was the period when I lost my Lilly?
I tear my gaze away. Turns out there are several obstetricians in the clinic, and in five minutes, we are shown to an office down the hallway.