And I didn't listen.
I let myself fall for a guy who will never love me back.
Flopping back, I throw my arms over my head and let out a sigh. There's a weight on my chest. The anxiety is starting to move up from my stomach and hit me where it really hurts. My heart.
I wasn't sure what he was thinking after I told him about wanting a family, he didn't say anything. Deep down I guess I was just hoping he was listening with no judgment. I certainly didn't mean to scare him away.
Is it really fear?
Or is he just a coward?
I want answers. I deserve that, at least.
Picking up my phone, I try to call him one more time, but again it goes unanswered.
“That's it,” I say out loud, sitting up quickly.
Buttercup picks up his head and looks at me with sleepy eyes.
“I'm going to find out for myself,” I say to my dog. He doesn't seem to care, dropping his head back down.
I'm not just going to sit here and wait for answers that might never come. I'm going to go get them for myself.
If he's the man I think he is, then he's going to tell me what's going on to my face. I've been annoyed as hell that he's ignoring me, but now I'm taking control of this. He needs to talk to me.
Running down the stairs, Jenna is wobbling herself into the kitchen. “Hey, Mel, you headed to work?”
I don't even stop as I say, “Uh, yeah, and I'm running late.” Shoving the storm door open, it slams shut behind me.
I'm not explaining anything to her. Jenna cries on a dime lately, for good things and bad things. It doesn't matter. If I tell her I'm going to get answers from the man I'm falling for, she'll either burst out in tears because she'll think it's sweet, or she'll rage cry because she and my brother warned me about him already.
I don't have time for either scenario right now.
Pulling up his driveway, I see his truck right where it normally is outside. Parking, I look up at his house, but it's dark.
He's here. I know he's here.
Standing at his door, I hit the wood with the back of my knuckles lightly. Cupping my hands against the big window, I try to look inside, but I can't see shit.
Taking a step back, I glance around the property in case he's outside chopping wood or in his garden. He's not.
Knocking on the door harder, I call out, “Bran! Open up it's me!” Banging the door again with my palm, I hit it as hard as I can. “Bran, I know you're home!”
After a few seconds, I hear the chain for the lock as he pulls it away. Cracking the door a hair, he says, “Not now, Mel.”
No hello, how are you doing? No I'm sorry, I should have called.
All I get is a not now Mel.
What the fuck is that?
“Not now? What the hell does that mean, not now?” Using open palms, I force the door open wide enough for me to see his face, and I'm shocked. “What's wrong? Are you feeling okay?”
His eyes are puffy with dark circles and his hair is all matted into a knotted mess. He's barefoot, standing in a pair of dirt covered jeans and no shirt. His skin looks pale, as if he hasn't seen the sun in months.
“I'm fine, don't worry about me.” Using his hand, he tries to push me back lightly so he can he close the door.
Why is he acting like this?
None of this makes sense. Things were good. We were good.
He can try and push me away, but I'm not leaving without some answers. Bran might be able to hide away from the rest of the world, but I've given too much of myself to be written off like I'm disposable.
What the hell did I do?
You opened your mouth, a voice inside me says.
Spilled secret or not, it doesn't mean he can just walk away without giving me an explanation. If it's about the family comment, he needs to be man enough to tell me himself. If there's something else, I deserve to know.
That's how a relationship works. You give and take from each other. I gave him something no one has ever owned, my heart. I think I at least earned the right to know the truth.
I don't let him close the door, planting my foot right in the opening. “I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on. Why have you been avoiding me?”
“Just go, Mel. It's not hard, all you have to do is turn around and walk back to your car.” He's breathing slowly, his face emotionless and flat.
What did I do? Why is he pushing me away like this?