"I don't remember."
"You remember the pattern of arteries on your own placenta."
"I'm not going to tell you," said Bean. To that, Nikolai had no answer, though he didn't like it.
Bean signed on as Graff and wrote a note to Dimak, even though he knew it would do no good.
"Bonzo is insane. He could kill somebody, and Wiggin's the one he hates the most."
The answer came back quickly, almost as if Dimak had been waiting for the message. "Clean up your own messes. Don't go crying to mama."
The words stung. It wasn't Bean's mess, it was Wiggin's. And, ultimately, the teachers', for having put Wiggin in Bonzo's army to begin with. And then to taunt him because he didn't have a mother--when did the teachers become the enemy here? They were supposed to protect us from crazy kids like Bonzo Madrid. How do they think I'm going to clean this mess up?
The only thing that will stop Bonzo Madrid is to kill him.
And then Bean remembered standing there looking down at Achilles, saying, "You got to kill him."
Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut? Why did I have to goad Bonzo Madrid? Wiggin is going to end up like Poke. And it will be my fault again.
16
COMPANION
"So you see, Anton, the key you found has been turned, and it may be the salvation of the human race."
"But the poor boy. To live his life so small, and then die as a giant."
"Perhaps he'll be . . . amused at the irony."
"How strange to think that my little key might turn out to be the salvation of the human race. From the invading beasts, anyway. Who will save us when we become our own enemy again?"
"We are not enemies, you and I."
"Not many people are enemies to anyone. But the ones full of greed or hate, pride or fear--their passion is strong enough to lever all the world into war."
"If God can raise up a great soul to save us from one menace, might he not answer our prayers by raising up another when we need him?"
"But Sister Carlotta, you know the boy you speak of was not raised up by God. He was created by a kidnapper, a baby-killer, an outlaw scientist."
"Do you know why Satan is so angry all the time? Because whenever he works a particularly clever bit of mischief, God uses it to serve his own righteous purposes."
"So God uses wicked people as his tools."
"God gives us the freedom to do great evil, if we choose. Then he uses his own freedom to create goodness out of that evil, for that is what he chooses."
"So in the long run, God always wins."
"Yes."
"In the short run, though, it can be uncomfortable."
"And when, in the past, would you have preferred to die, instead of being alive here today?"
"There it is. We get used to everything. We find hope in anything."
"That's why I've never understood suicide. Even those suffering from great depression or guilt--don't they feel Christ the Comforter in their hearts, giving them hope?"
"You're asking me?"