I drew my line of vision up a very large-suited chest, and met eyes I had looked into before. Dark, beautiful eyes, that had burned back at me with love in moments of deepest intimacy. Eyes I had loved…
I lost the rest of my words.
My heart hammered. Speechless didn’t even begin to cover it. Breathless and dumbstruck needed to be in there too, because I dropped the folder again and heard the papers dump out in a heap at our feet with an airy swoosh.
“N-Neil.”
“Elaina,” he said stonily.
The hard frown on his face proved he was just as surprised to see me, as I was to see him.
15
For fucks sake! Elaina was the new receptionist?!
My heart skipped and stuttered from inside my chest as I tried to process this bit of information. Frances had just mentioned to me, not a half hour ago, that we’d hired a new girl. Never in my wildest dreams…
Well, it all made sense to me now. I figured out who was behind it in an instant. And was going to kill the miserable sod just as soon as I could get my hands around his traitorous neck. Mum Morrison would get a pass on the strangling, but I was greatly annoyed with her as well.
But first, I needed to look... Five years since my eyes had rested on her. Even longer than that at a close enough distance to reach out and touch her. I dragged a hand along my scalp instead, gripping the back in a handful of hair and pulling hard until it stung.
Now this was a mind fuck in the purest sense. I was barely able to keep myself contained, my mind and my body operating at odds and totally independent of one another. My Elaina—the woman I’d never stopped loving, the girl who’d captured my heart all those years ago, and who I’d painfully LET GO—was here before me claiming to be newly employed at BSI.
Fuck me into next week! And then some more.
My thoughts were totally lost in a jumble of shock and disbelief.
Eons might have passed, I don’t know, but yes, this was indeed a fuckin’ blow to my sensibilities. I needed a drink, or a pitcher, or maybe I’d just sleep in the pub tonight. And I definitely felt a headache coming on.
“I—I didn’t know…” she began. “Nobody said—I—I’m—ahh…”
I didn’t register what she was saying because I couldn’t. I just stared.
So, here she was again right in front of me. As beautiful as ever. More beautiful even than I remembered. No longer a girl of eighteen trying to find her way, but a woman of twenty-five with the confidence to go with the maturity.
Her confidence might be a tad lacking at that very moment
though. Those midnight-blue eyes reminded me of a deer caught in headlights. It took great effort on my part to keep from touching her. To reach out and embrace her was instinctual, and I wanted to, but I controlled the urge and waited for some kind of response from her. After all, she’d been the one to leave me hanging without letting me have my say. The wound from that gash to my heart was still there, freshly ripped open and dripping metaphorical blood down the front of me. I’d waited this long, I could wait some more.
“Wh—what are you doing here?” Her throat moved as she swallowed hard and made me want to put my mouth there and taste. I craved the experience of remembering the flavor of her skin, but more than anything, I wanted her to acknowledge me again. I wanted her to have to look at me, to talk to me, to accept me being near her. And, if I knew anything about Elaina, it was that she would try to flee from me again.
“I’m Chief of Operations here at BSI.” I let that sink in for a moment and watched her beautiful complexion grow pale before my eyes.
“You work here.” It was not a question, but a statement, as if she were trying to convince herself of this bit of news.
And I know just how you feel, darlin’.
She pulled her hand through her hair and drew it down to rest in the hollow of her throat, like she was trying to protect herself. Interesting watching her terrified reaction to my bomb drop. Strangely, it made me happy at the same time. If she was instinctually seeking protection from my proximity then it meant that seeing me again was having some sort of effect on her. Good. If she was this affected by me just being there, then it had to be nothing compared to what I was experiencing in her presence. For so long, I’d wanted to be this close to Elaina again. So long. It almost felt surreal to finally get my wish after aching for it to happen. Years, I’d waited. I’d figured it would happen eventually because I was still close with her family, but I suppose I couldn’t really prepare myself for the actual reality. And, not like this. Working together in the same office? Jesus, God, and all the angels!
I felt numb.
I was indeed numb as I spoke my answer, not really quite sure how to break the news to her, when she was right in front of me.
“Every day since its founding over five years ago.” I nodded slowly, trying to keep it cool with her. “I served with E—Ethan, in the SF.” I gestured with my hands up. “Yeah, all this was waiting for me when I came home from the war.” But you weren’t, were you, Elaina? I could be a bastard when I felt like it, and I have to say, I felt like it right then. Fuck, but I was entitled to something more than this stilted, chilly reunion. I’d known her since forever and we were reduced to this awkward silence and distance after where we’d been together? But that was the problem wasn’t it? The part where we’d been together. And all the intervening years when we hadn’t.
The whole thing was pretty fucked up. But, I was used to that in my life though. Lots and lots of fucked up had made its presence known to me over the years. I didn’t remember a time when it hadn’t, but Elaina was never part of all the bad in my life. She was the good. Only good…at least that’s how I remembered it...until the very end. The ending of us had nearly destroyed me.
I hoped for some kind of reaction from her, something. Anything at all would do.