We sit across from each other and eat in silence like usual.
Hunter plays on his phone, and I realize how awkward this must be for him to eat with his dead best friend’s girlfriend every night.
“I’m sorry I’m not better company,” I blurt without thinking.
He sets down his phone, then looks up at me with the most genuine expression. “I think your company is perfect.” He shrugs, moving his fork around his plate. “You don’t force me to talk about what happened or how I feel. You just accept me how I am, and you have no idea how goddamn refreshing that is.” He pauses before adding, “Okay, well maybe you do.”
I nod with a half-smile and move the chicken around on my plate, not eating. “I just don’t want all this to be pretend, Hunter. That you’re forcing yourself to be nice to me when you really want to tell me to get the fuck out and move on with my life.” My voice cracks, and I suck in a deep breath, trying to get a hold of myself. “Without Brandon here, there’s no reason you should have to live with me. You didn’t choose me as a roommate, and I don’t want to be a burden. I was thinking before summer ends, I’ll look for a place of my own since this is your apartment.”
He slams down his fork, and when his eyes meet mine, I feel as if he’s boring into my soul, seeing all my truths, my faults, and the raw, vulnerable version of me I hide from everyone.
“There’s no way in hell that’s happening. You’re staying here, Lennon. This is your home as much as it’s mine. And listen to me very carefully,” he says firmly, searching my face. “Brandon was like a brother to me, and I knew everything about him and could probably finish his sentences if I really wanted to. We were inseparable. Practically grew up together in college. And the least I can do is what he’d want, which is to make sure you’re taken care of. He wanted us to get along and had asked me a million times over the past year not to keep fighting with you. But most importantly, he’d want us to lean on each other during this because he was important to both of us. I lost my best friend, but you did too, okay? No one, let me repeat, no one is forcing me to do shit.”
His words linger, and my heart threatens to beat out of my chest as I process his words. Hunter’s the type of man who says exactly what he means and means what he says. But I can’t help but feel like a burden to him, and maybe I’m not right now, but I will be eventually when he’s ready to move on. Our situation isn’t a perfect one, but it’s ours, and I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I’m grateful he’s not kicking me out on my ass because the thought of leaving right now seems impossible. It’s something I’ve thought about while on spring break even if I can’t afford to live alone on my teacher’s salary.
I swallow hard, keeping his gaze. “Thank you. I want us to get along too.” My voice comes out fragile and soft, but I don’t have the energy to try harder. I don’t know what else to say; my words sound so insignificant compared to his.
That earns me a relieved smile. “Good.”
After we’re finished eating, Hunter puts my remaining pasta in the fridge as he does every night, then we sit on the couch and watch TV, though I can’t pay attention to anything that’s happening. He flips through the channels, and soon, I’m yawning over and over.
Hunter tilts his head, giving me a worried expression. “Lennon.” His voice is just above a soft whisper.
When he looks at me with a gentleness in his eyes, it brings me back to the first night we met at the bar. The Hunter sitting beside me is the man I met two years ago, not the asshole I’ve been living with for the past year.
“You can’t continue to bunk on the couch. It’s not comfortable, and I know you’re not getting any rest. You’re constantly tired and going to burn out. You need a real bed.”
I shake my head to argue. “I can’t…I can’t sleep in that bed, Hunter. With his side empty. It’s cold and bare without him. The sheets still smell like him. It’s painful enough to walk in there in the mornings. I…”
For a moment, he watches me, then sucks in a deep breath as if he’s contemplating something. Taking me by surprise, he places his hand on top of mine and squeezes. “You can have my room then. You have to get some sleep.”