As I roll over and turn off the alarm on my phone, I think about how pissed I am at him. I told him not to buy that fucking motorcycle so many times, and he did it anyway. I wish I could go back in time and stress how bad of an idea it would be. Not that he would’ve listened to me, but I could’ve tried harder. Once Brandon made up his mind, nothing could change his decision, but I should’ve done more to persuade him. The guilt of that alone has me clenching my jaw, anger finding its way back in.
I sit on the edge of my bed and rub my hands over my face. I’m still numb from the funeral yesterday, and while I don’t want to go to work, I have to. Last week, I left early on a few days because I felt as if I were crumpling. My mind hasn’t been right since the day the officers delivered the news. A piece of me died with Brandon.
At first, I thought it had to be a mistake, but as the reality set in that he was in an accident, I’ve experienced a whirlwind of different emotions, and watching Lennon suffer through this hasn’t helped. I’ve tried to help her, though she’s not really asked for anything.
Since she’s moved in, I’ve treated her like shit, and now things are awkward between us because neither of us knows where to go from here. I don’t know what to talk about, but I try to make sure she’s eating and gets off the couch some. What kills me the most is how she’s completely stopped singing since the accident. I used to bitch about it so much, but now it’s all I want. She’s not herself, and I’m not sure when she will be again. If ever.
Though, I admit I haven’t been myself lately, either. I’m short with people at work, and I want nothing more than to be alone to process my thoughts. I haven’t really done that yet, and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to.
I force myself to stand and go through my morning routine. After I dress, I walk to the kitchen and turn on the light as I brew some coffee. I’m not ready for the day or to deal with the emptiness that blankets me. The coffeepot beeps, pulling me away from my thoughts, and I fill my to-go mug. As I snap on the lid, I feel someone behind me. I turn and see Lennon and give her a small smile. She smiles back, but it doesn’t meet her eyes the same way it used to.
“Do you want me to make you some breakfast?” I ask, knowing I don’t have time, but I’ll be late for her if that means she’s eating something.
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” She opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of water, then leaves the kitchen. I follow her into the living room where she’s determined to sleep every night.
And most of the day.
“Lennon, if you need anything while I’m at work, please call me.” She lies down and pulls the blanket over her body and turns on her side, facing away from me. I hate that she’ll be alone like this, but I have to go.
“I will,” she mutters, and I know the conversation is over. It’s basically how we communicate lately. I’d much rather have her curse me out and tell me how much of a dick I am than see her like this.
After checking the time, I decide to leave and get on the road before I get stuck in traffic. As I pull up to the office building, I call Sophie.
“Hunter?” she asks when she answers the phone.
“Hey. Yeah. Sorry for calling you this early, but I’m really worried about Lennon. If you have any free time throughout the week, can you stop by and make sure she’s eating, maybe get her out of the house or something? Maybe Maddie can help too?”
“Um, yeah, sure. I’ve been trying to reach out to her, but she’s been completely unresponsive,” Sophie says, defeated.
“I know. She’s been like that with everyone lately. I know it’s going to take time, but I’m concerned. And I know if she needs anything, she’s too stubborn to ask anyone, especially me.”
She chuckles. “She is.” The line sits silent for a moment. “How are you doing with all this, Hunter? Are you okay?”
“As okay as I can be considering the situation. But hey, I’m walking into work so I gotta go.” I try to get out of talking about myself, and we end the call. I have her sisters’ numbers just in case I need them for things like this, which, so far, has come in handy.
After my morning meeting, I give my boss a status update on the apartment complex project. I spend the next few hours calling different contractors to go through the upcoming milestones and deadlines along with approving payments for the completed work. Before lunch, I let everyone in the office know I was going to the jobsite to do a walk around. After that’s done, I stop by a local taco shop that Lennon loves and pick up her favorite burrito.