She groans so loud it reverberates through the apartment. “Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you to deserve being treated this way? I’ve lived here for nearly a year now, and we still can’t seem to get along. Why do you think that is?”
“Hmm. That’s a really great question.” I pretend to ponder it before I walk around her and go to the bathroom. I close the door and lean against the cool wood, trying to shake the sadness on her face that I’ve caused. This is what’s best for everyone. Making her hate me is easier and the way it has to be, especially now that Brandon wants to propose. If I let my guard down around her, I don’t know that I could hold back my true feelings. Being friends would only hurt worse, so maybe Hayden’s right—I need to make a real effort at moving on. Even if it’s going to be hard.
I need to let go of how I feel and stop torturing myself with what I’ll never have. I need to wake the fuck up and pull myself together. Even if it feels impossible right now.
I jump in the shower and wash off my workout, hoping one day I’ll be able to look back at the ridiculousness of this and laugh. I can’t decide if fate is an angel or if it’s really the devil because this whole situation is fucked up.
I’ve never believed in love at first sight, but Lennon changed that, only to torment me with her presence every single day. Maybe I’m only hung up on her because I can’t have her? Fuck, I know it’s more than that, but I’ll take any excuse to validate how I feel.
After my shower, I change into some clean clothes because I need to get out of this house tonight. I look through text messages on my phone and notice an unanswered one from Jenna. The last time we hooked up, she stayed the whole weekend, playing house and making it obvious how much she liked me. I kept things casual between us and made it clear I wasn’t after anything serious. I could tell she was disappointed, but she seemed to understand at the time.
Deciding it’s now or never, I take the plunge and send Jenna a message asking her to go out with me tonight. If I’m going to actually try to move on, then I need to make a real effort. I don’t want to have these unrequited feelings for someone who isn’t mine, and maybe if I wasn’t so stuck on Lennon, there’d be room in my heart for a woman like Jenna.
She immediately responds, sending me smiley emojis and heart icons. Jenna’s a gorgeous girl, and she’s fun, so maybe I can actually try this time with someone who wants me. I only hope I can reciprocate those same feelings.
The next morning, I wake up with a major headache. Jenna’s body presses against mine, her arms snaked around my waist as my dick comes to life. Last night, we met up at a bar, danced, and drank until all my inhibitions were gone, and I ended up in her bed. I want to feel something for her, something more. I focused my attention on her all night long, making actual conversation to get to know her on a deeper level as I waited for that spark. There’s no reason I shouldn’t have feelings for her, but I’d be lying if I said I did. She’s a brunette bombshell—all tan legs and perky tits—so any guy would be lucky to have her attention. I kissed her on the dance floor as if my life depended on it. Cupping her face, I poured everything I could into a deep, sensual kiss that left me feeling like absolute shit. As she moaned against my mouth, her arms wrapped around my waist and tugged us closer together. My cock felt it, but my heart? It was dead.
Carefully, I slip from under the sheets and pull on my jeans and shirt. It smells like beer and sweat, but I don’t have any other options at the moment. I sit on the edge of the bed and grab my shoes to put them on. Jenna rolls over and looks up at me, smiling with anticipation.
“Last night was so fun,” she purrs. “You should stay for breakfast. And then we can do it all over again.” She bites down on her lower lip, and my heart drops. She deserves better than this—better than me. I should’ve stopped when things escalated last night, but I kept hoping something would spark inside me. That I could let Jenna in and have some emotional response besides our physical connection. But I realize now that’s not in the cards for us. I can’t keep leading her on to think we’ll be something more.