He glanced at the floor and back at her. “I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” He laughed. “That’s my favorite gift today.”
She scooted off the love seat onto the floor. He hugged her to his side, and she blew at the feathers from his boa when they tickled her nose.
“I should probably take all this stuff off.” He tossed the hat and boa aside, revealing more than twenty beaded necklaces.
“What did you have to show to get them?”
He laughed. “Wouldn’t you like to know? Want one?”
“Do I need to flash you to get one?”
He stilled and laughed. “I never know what you’re gonna say, but I’m learning not to guess.” He put a red beaded necklace over her head. “First one’s free.”
Just like that, those red beads became as valuable as a string of pearls, and she knew she’d keep them somewhere safe, always appreciate them, and think of him whenever she touched them. “Your loss. I would have flashed you for them.”
He did a double take. “You liar.”
She arched a brow. “Guess you’ll never know.”
He pulled her to his side, and they slouched against the foot of the sofa, lounging comfortably on the floor. “It’s probably dangerous how much I like you,” he murmured, casually drawing in a breath of her hair.
“Probably.” No point in denying her baggage. She carried it everywhere. “But I like you, too.”
He rested his head on hers, and while she should’ve been figuring out how to get him home safely, she didn’t want to stress over anything in that moment. Being there in his arms was exactly the place she wanted to be. So she let her eyes rest and listened to his slow breathing turn to gentle snores.
When she opened her eyes some time later, they were covered by one of the sheets used to drape the canvases along the wall and the sun was starting to rise. It was the first time she’d spent the night with anyone who wasn’t Nash.
It didn’t feel as traumatic as she expected. On the contrary, it felt nice.
She left Ryan curled up on the floor and quietly slipped out the back. The roads wore a gray mist that morning as she rode her bike to the cemetery. When she got to Nash’s grave, she didn’t speak a word.
She usually told him about her day and anything that happened, but today she didn’t share those details. As she rode her bike home, she tried to understand why she’d been so quiet.
She hadn’t held her tongue due to a sense of betrayal toward Nash, which she’d assumed she’d feel. On the contrary, she didn’t share the details of her night or the day before because it felt like a betrayal to Ryan.
Those moments were theirs and they were still new and delicate. Realizing she didn’t want to share those secrets reminded her of the day she finally grasped she was a married adult and no longer had to answer to her parents about her choices. Nash had been the one to get that through her head, because for a long time into her twenties, she still felt very much like a kid.
Dating Ryan and keeping their relationship private brought about similar feelings. She’d always shared everything with Nash. He got fifty percent of everything she owned right down to her soul. But he couldn’t have this.
Whatever this was, this tiny sliver of unbroken heart she’d found and given to Ryan, she wanted him to keep it for himself. He’d never have all of her. He’d never be able to fix the damage done before he came into her life. But he got a small, precious piece of her that may very well be the last piece capable of feeling something other than pain.
He somehow found a private piece of her heart everyone else had missed—including her. It didn’t belong to her family. It didn’t belong to her grief. It didn’t even belong to Nash. She hadn’t known it existed until Ryan came along. But last night when he told her about all the gifts his family had given him, she decided this would be her gift to him, as small and intangible as it may be.
Sometimes tiny, seemingly insignificant things grow into enormous things. Maybe her heart could still grow, like a seed in a ravaged forest that sets roots amongst the ash and later matures into a mighty oak. It was a sliver of hope, but in a way, it made her feel more powerful and optimistic than she’d felt in years.
Chapter 20
Ryan had company most of the day on Sunday, so Maggie kept to her house. She watched the many cars coming and going, finding the sheer amount of his relatives dizzying. He often made jokes about his family smothering him like an infestation of locust, but it was clear how much they all loved each other.