Chapter Two
What was she doing here?
Laken stood across the road, staring at the entrance to Saxon’s, a private BDSM club. She felt numb. Over the last three years the feeling had been growing. She hadn’t really felt much for Ricky, but she had stayed with him out of hope. Hope that feelings would develop. That she would feel something.
She had flashes of emotion, things that would pull her out of her numb state. Like when Ricky cheated on her. Or when she was around Duncan—then she didn’t feel numb. She felt aroused, angry—alive.
She looked over at the BDSM club. If she went in she would feel something. She wanted it. Craved it. Sex with Ricky had done nothing for her; most of the time she’d faked an orgasm—something Duncan would never have allowed. Ricky hadn’t even noticed. God, she longed to feel pleasure once again.
She wanted to be commanded. To be taken over.
Dirty whore. Beg me.
She shuddered, fear and loathing rushing through her. She needed to stop coming here. Since returning to Haven, she had found herself in just this position too many times, staring at the club doors, wishing she had the courage to enter.
Although she didn’t have the money to buy a membership, Saxon had taken pity on her and gi
ven her a year’s free membership. Of course, Saxon never did anything for free.
Although he would eventually require payment, he would never force her to do something that would harm her. No, Saxon was the most dominant man she’d ever met and with that dominance ran a huge protective streak.
How stupid was it to have a membership and not use it?
Yet she couldn’t. She couldn’t make herself enter. Couldn’t make herself let go and trust someone else, even in a place as public and safe as Saxon’s. What if she freaked out in there? She’d kept her secret for so long she wasn’t going to risk revealing it now.
She didn’t want anyone’s pity or sympathy. Or their guilt. She knew Duncan would blame himself. But it had been her fault.
So what was she doing here?
This was embarrassing. Anyone who came near the club would see her.
This wasn’t New York. She knew everyone here. They watched out for one another and every man here would protect her if she needed it. She’d found that smothering when she was younger, thinking the men were old-fashioned and interfering.
But now they made her feel safe. And that was something she hadn’t felt since Duncan last held her in his arms.
The last three years had been a blur. She’d thrown herself into her career, but her personal life had been a disaster. She’d gotten involved with a man who hadn’t hesitated to hurt her, to use her. Ricky had been taking credit for her designs, cheating on her behind her back. He’d cared about no one but himself. She had surrounded herself in the best security she could afford and had done very little except sleep, eat and work.
“Getting pretty cold out here.”
Laken jumped at the voice. Turning, she stumbled back a few steps, her arms rising to protect herself.
“Whoa, easy there, sugar. It’s just me.” Duncan reached out and grabbed her arm, holding her steady.
“Don’t touch me,” she said sharply. Logically, she knew it was Duncan. But fear had driven all the logic from her mind.
Duncan quickly held his hands up, away from her, waiting for her to regain her breath.
Yay, way to act normal, Laken.
“I’m sorry, sugar,” he said calmly. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“Can’t you make a noise when you move, like a normal person?” she snapped back.
“I called out to you from further down the street,” he told her. “I thought you were ignoring me.”
Yeah, that was something she would have done. She also would have taken off in the other direction.
She had come back to Haven because she was tired of running. Apparently, she was still doing it.