“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. My arms tensed and I brought her closer to me. “I wasn’t trying to…to…I mean, I only wanted to…help…”
I didn’t know what else to say.
“I know,” she answered.
I pressed my lips to the top of her head.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know you didn’t,” she said.
We were silent a while longer until she spoke again.
“He was always telling me what a slob I was,” she said softly, and I could hear her breath hitch. “He said if I wasn’t so stupid, I would be able to organize myself. I tried to tell him I always knew where everything was…but he didn’t listen very often to what I said.”
I clenched my teeth and tried to stop myself from putting my fist through the window. I closed my eyes and counted to seventy-six. Finally, I could speak without snarling.
“Did he hit you?” I asked softly. I didn’t want to know, but I still had to know. She was silent way too long, and I tightened my arms around her.
“Only once,” she finally said.
I closed my eyes tightly, trying to rein in the anger that was threatening to boil up to the surface of my skin, probably creating blisters, or at least scaring the shit out of her. It was that possibility that kept me in check.
“If you tell me his full name, I will destroy that motherfucker.”
I felt her shake her head.
“No,” she whispered against my chest, “I don’t want you to do anything.”
I held myself still and tried to take a few deep breaths.
“If that’s what you want,” I told her.
“That’s what I want.”
“I don’t like it,” I said, just to make sure that part was clear.
“I know,” she replied. “Just…don’t.”
“I won’t,” I promised, thought about it for a second, and then added, “but if I ever see him on a soccer field, all bets are off.”
I felt, more than heard, her chuckle.
“You have to tell me when I do something you don’t like,” I said. “I want you to tell me. I don’t want to be a shitty boyfriend like that.”
“It’s just pretend, Thomas,” she scoffed. “It’s just for show.”
I stiffened and looked into her eyes.
Now or never…
“What if…” The words caught in my throat. I swallowed and tried again. “What if I don’t want to pretend?”
Nicole’s eyes narrowed slightly. Her brows squished together, and she looked up at me.
“Thomas…” she said softly, “it’s not…not real.”
“What if I want it to be real?” I whispered. I shifted a little closer to her, as if that were possible. I moved my hand slowly up her arm until it lay across her cheek. I leaned forward, looked into her eyes, and placed my lips against hers.