“How many times must I tell you? I need to work. Keep your grubby hands off my hours. And before you start, I can’t drop any of my classes. I’m in an accelerated program that won’t allow that. Plus I’ve had to double up because…”
She cut herself off there, but I got the idea. Because she’d missed the first year she was playing catch up. I brushed the hair back from her face wishing I could do more for her. If she only knew that every word she said only made me more determined to take care of her.
“That sounds like way too much. Why won’t you let me help you?” I sound like a fucking broken record. Who knew it would be this hard to help someone who was obviously in need? Can she be any more like Sophia Carrington?
“Answer me, why won’t you accept my help?” I kept my tone nice and even. The way you do with anything that was cornered.
“Because!” She looked down at my chest.
“Because what?” I lifted her chin with my finger. “Is it so hard to believe that I really want to help?”
“I don’t know what you want from me. I’m not sure I can pay the price for your help.” Fair enough. That’s probably the most honest thing she’s ever said to me. Maybe if I’m honest with her it might make things easier.
I was surprised to realize that I didn’t know where to start. That was a sure sign that this wasn’t more of the same, that what I felt for her was different. I’ve never had any trouble reeling in a female in my life. My game is on fleek.
With this one I felt like every word had to be measured. Now that I know more about her history and the heavy weight she was carrying on her shoulders, I need to be even more careful with my approach.
“What if what I want isn’t something you need to be afraid of?”
“How would I know? I still have no idea what’s going on in your head remember.”
I guess she was going to make me put it all on the table while she gave me nothing. I can’t say that I blame her. There was a time she would’ve been right to be this cautious around me. But I had no intentions on using her and casting her aside.
I pulled her in closer with the hand on her hip and watched color bloom in her cheeks. The words weren’t so hard to say after all, and once they came I felt lighter for saying them out loud.
“I want to take care of you, and not just for a little while. From the moment I first saw you I’ve had this insane need to protect you. Call it instinct, I don’t know. I just know that you were meant to be mine to protect.” I stopped and let her take that in.
She didn’t say a word, just looked up at me with fear, trepidation, hope. It was all there for me to see and all I could give her were more words. I couldn’t take her to my bed and comfort her the way I now admit is what I’ve wanted to since the first moment we met.
It was the basis for the confusion I’d been battling in the beginning. This need to take care of her and wanting to fuck her had been tripping me up. I’ve never dealt with that particular mix before.
Now that the shit was cleared up, at least in my head, I could admit it to myself. I want to fuck her as much as I want to make all her problems go away. She was girlfriend, wifey territory.
She’s that one in a million that I never expected to find and never thought I deserved until now.
My eyes damn near crossed as the reality hit me. It’s going to take more than my usual spiel to break down her defenses. I can’t and don’t want to treat her the same as anyone else.
But I’m still not sure how to give her what she needs without butting heads with her. She was too damn confusing if you ask me.
It was true that she’d softened towards me a bit in the days since we’d met. That was evident by the fact that she stood there and let me hold her. But I didn’t trust her not to try to kick my ass if I made the wrong move.
“I don’t know what to say to you to get you to believe me and the truth is I’ve never had to work this damn hard to win a woman’s trust or anyone’s for that matter. But if you just give me a chance I’ll prove it to you.” Now I’m begging, what the fuck? What’s worse, I didn’t seem to mind.