“Shouldn’t what?” I ask.
She takes a big breath and squares her shoulders.
“I know you want me out of your way sooner rather than later,” Seri says. “I get a little wrapped up in myself sometimes, but I know how you feel, and I don’t want to interfere with your…your life the way you like it. I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated or anything.”
“Obligated?”
“You’ve already extended your hospitality far more than I know you’re comfortable with,” Seri says. She’s smiling, but her eyes aren’t sparkling. “The storm has been over for a while, and you’ll be wanting me out of here before some tournament, I’m sure. I mean, if we can get to wherever these games are played, you could take me to Fort Providence, right? Or Yellowknife?”
I shake my head, confused and trying to figure out where all of this is coming from. Yes, I’d offered a future when we haven’t really defined how long this is going to last, but it’s not like we haven’t had similar conversations.
“What are you talking about?” I ask her. “I told you, you can stay as long as you want.”
“I can…I can stay?”
“I told you that before.” As soon as I finish the sentence, I realize I told her no such thing. I said those words to Iris and to Netti but not to Seri.
I really, really need to be taking notes.
With a deep breath, I stand up and walk over to Seri. She takes a slight step back, but I reach out and wrap her in my arms.
“It’s different now,” I say as I hold her against my chest. I kiss the top of her head softly.
“What made it different?” she asks. She places her hands on my arms and leans back, her eyes dark. “Is it just because we had sex?”
I close my eyes for a second, trying to rein in the sudden anger I feel. For a brief moment, a flash of violence invades my brain, and I swallow hard to keep it in check.
“Is that really what you think I’m like?” I finally ask.
“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” Seri says. She shakes her head slowly and then moves forward to press her cheek against my chest. “You’re a little hard to read sometimes. I wasn’t sure how you felt about it.”
“I didn’t think of it that way,” I say. “Maybe some guys would but not me.”
“You’re not like other guys. I know that.”
“Besides, I thought we made love on a bearskin rug.” I mean it as a joke, but when she tenses in my arms, I know she’s not taking it that way, and I try to fix it. “I mean, it was more than…it was… Fuck! I’m not any good at this shit, Seri. I just want you to know that you don’t have to go anywhere, not unless you want to.”
“I’m not trying to…to trap you.” She tightens her grip around me, her actions contradicting her words.
“I don’t feel like that,” I tell her.
“How do you feel?” she asks.
“I feel, um…” I pause to take a deep breath. “I don’t feel like you have to leave. I mean, I don’t want you to. I…I don’t mind you here, I guess.”
Seri leans back and looks up at me with a tight-lipped smile.
“What?” I ask.
“You’re right,” she says. “You are pretty bad at this.”
“Yeah, I know.” I roll my eyes and then look back at her. “Do you want to go?”
“No,” she whispers. “I…I like it here with you.”
“Well then,” I say, “I guess that’s settled, right? You’re going to stay until you decide you don’t want to stay here anymore.”
“What if…what if I never want to leave?”