“Lena—”
“Just drive, Chad. Get me out of here.” Lena moved to the passenger side and climbed in, allowing Hero to settle in her lap.
Feeling as if he was swimming upstream against a river of helplessness, his hopes for their future rushing past, flowing in the opposite direction, Chad followed her orders. Minutes later, they were on the road, leaving behind her family, the vice president, and everyone else involved with today’s event.
A sick feeling settled in his gut as they drove in silence. The woman who’d claimed a part of him that he’d never planned to offer anyone felt so damn distant right now, so far beyond his reach, he wanted to scream in frustration. He knew she had her reasons and that they existed beyond her control, but that didn’t erase the feeling that she was slipping farther and farther away from him with each mile marker they passed.
EIGHT PAINFULLY LONG hours later, the truck pulled up in front of the Summers family farmhouse. Finally, she could get this weight off her. Hero had insisted on spending the entire drive on her lap. Opening the passenger side door, Lena let her dog out before stepping down and stretching her legs.
“Lena.” Chad stood in front of her, his hand in the pockets of the slacks he’d worn to the ceremony hours earlier. There was no sign of his trademark humor in his brown eyes. And it felt like years since she’d seen his smile. Her stomach flipped knowing they needed to talk about how she’d erased his grin with one epic panic attack.
She glanced at the door, wishing she could fast-forward and begin nursing her heartache. She wanted to escape inside and have a date with the bag of chocolate chips in her kitchenette. After this conversation, Lena had a feeling mouthwatering chocolate would be the closest she’d get to orgasm territory for a long time. And beyond the bedroom doors, she’d lose the one person who delivered passion, kindness, and hope into her life—the one man who believed in her.
“Lena, we need to talk,” he said. “I didn’t want to say anything on the ride.”
Because he’d known this conversation would lead to a downward spiral and he wanted her to have the space to walk away and fall apart. At every turn, this man put her needs first. He’d convinced the army to rearrange a medal presentation featuring the vice president for her.
“But I need to know you’re OK,” he said.
“I’m not.”
A wash of failure rushed over her, threatening to swallow her up. Turning away from Chad, she focused on the physical and mundane. She reached into the bed of his truck and retrieved her overnight bag. Their relationship had transformed into something real and tangible, something that demanded more than she had to give right now. What they shared—the wild nights in his bed, the laughter, the friendship that took her by surprise
at every turn—it couldn’t be more.
Running away had dissolved any hope of a future for them, proving she wasn’t ready. Now, she had to say those words—“It’s over”—and walk away. The realization tore into her, ripping her apart like a well-aimed bullet. She’d felt invincible on the battlefield, racing through enemy fire to save her fellow soldiers. But now, an ocean away from the gunfire, she felt as if she’d been hit. She might not be able to save herself. But she could still save him.
“Lena.” His brow furrowed and he took a step toward her, his arms outstretched. Instinct demanded she step back, and Hero quickly moved between them, forming a barrier. After weeks together, they were back where they’d started. She was broken, lost on her road to normal. And he was out of reach.
“I’m sorry,” she added, hating those words with a fierce and rising passion. How many more times would she need to apologize for emotions and reactions that stemmed from feelings beyond her control? If she stayed, if she kept trying to be with him, those words would likely become her constant refrain. She would never be enough for him.
Lena closed her eyes. Her mind ticked off the things she’d miss—his panty-melting grin, the way he made her laugh, the way he supported her without demanding results . . .
Opening her eyes, she drew in a deep, shaky breath, and an ugly hiccup escaped. Tears welled in her eyes. One escaped, rolling down her cheek.
“You went to so much trouble to rearrange the ceremony,” she said.
“Lena, I don’t give a damn about the medal. I didn’t want you to be afraid.”
“But I panicked.” Another hiccup punctuated her sentence. “I thought I was getting closer . . .”
“There’s no timetable,” he insisted, staring into her watery eyes. “Take all the time you need.”
“Chad, please. I can’t.” Her voice trembled. “I think we should end our deal.”
“What we have is real, Lena. There is nothing fake about what I feel for you.”
“I know,” she said. “Which is why we need to walk away now.”
“No. Lena—”
“You deserve more than I have to give right now. You have so much to offer, Chad. So much. But I’m not ready to accept it.” She offered a sad smile, fighting back the tears. “I’m just glad we got you up in the air, flying, and doing what you love.”
“Shit, Lena, this isn’t about flying a damn helicopter.” He raised his hands, running them through his hair as he glanced down at her dog in frustration. But Hero didn’t give an inch, refusing to allow Chad closer to her.
“I care about you,” he added.
“But if I stay, and you wait for me to get better . . . I’m just so afraid I’ll disappoint you too. And the thought of adding another failure to my long list, I can’t do it. You’ve done so much for me. But now I need to stand on my own. I need to find my own place. Move out of here.”