For all the things I survived and learned along the way, nothing made me grow more than my love for Emmett. And I don’t know that I will ever know another pain like what I feel living without him. I hope not, because I don’t think I could stand. Sometimes I am still surprised when I wake up each morning, still feeling half convinced that my heart should just stop beating without him around.
But as my car flies down the highway, I know I am doing exactly what he wanted. He may not have been able to whisk me away from Jameson the way he dreamed of, but above all else he just wanted me to get out. It was all he asked of me in our final moments together.
The clouds hover across the open roads in the setting sky, and I swear I can still see the silhouette of Jameson haunting me from their shapes. They morph into the outline of WJ Prep. They shift and turn into Emmett’s face. His eyes. His mouth. All the times I wanted so badly just to get away and now I think the only way I am able to keep driving forward is the mirage of him up ahead. I don’t know what life could possibly hold for me beyond him, but I know I have to find out. I have no choice.
And so I keep driving, pushing forward. Pretending that my feet are carrying me away rather than the wheels of my car. I pretend that I am running straight towards him with his embrace waiting for me on just over the horizon.
31
Chapter Thirty-One
I step out onto campus, sucking in a deep breath of the fresh California air. The weather here is unbelievably perfect. The temperature reaches a level of heat I never felt in Jameson but is still somehow soothing and refreshing. And at night it gets chilly enough to make you long for a nice, cozy sweater, but never gets cold enough to compare to the bitter winter nights I’ve grown accustomed to.
Everything I became accustomed to over the past year fades more and more each day. The fear and anxiety I came to consider normal is a distant nightmare. A thing in my past that I am glad to forget. I ease back into normal, everyday life. And time passes quickly as I keep myself busy with classes, track, and work.
I smile at the passing students and forget that I ever knew to fear any random person I might come across. When I bump into someone, we say our sorry’s and carry on our way. It’s unbelievably easy and simple. Whenever I hear other students complaining about how stressed they are, I laugh but keep my thoughts to myself.
I am a couple of months into college life and already feel like a brand-new person. It’s a perfect sunny day as I walk along the winding sidewalks towards my favorite coffee shop, planning a weekend run on the beach in my head.
Jojo’s is a small eclectic joint just on the edge of my new school’s property. The small lawn is
lined with swaying palm trees, and there’s always some acoustic tune ringing out from the speakers hanging near the patio. I walk inside and relish in the scent of fresh coffee.
As I wait in line, which is always long but fast-moving here, I admire the doughnuts and pastries in the tall glass cases. My stomach growls at the sight of cookies and paper-wrapped muffins. There’s an assortment of Danishes, scones and biscotti. Chocolates, cakes, macaroons, and eclairs. All sprinkled in with bags of coffee on advertisement.
When it’s my turn I walk up to the stainless-steel counter, ignoring the chalkboard menu that hangs behind it because I already know it by heart. I place my order and when I turn to walk away, I swear I see someone I used to know sitting in the corner.
I look away at first, thinking it’s impossible. But I can’t help looking back and taking a closer look at the long, brunette hair draping over the girl’s shoulders. She looks a little different, but I know those features. The longer I stare, the more certain I am.
“Bridgett?” I ask nervously as I step over to her table.
Her eyes meet mine and nearly burst into tears. She jumps up, almost spilling her coffee, and takes me in her arms.
“I can’t believe it’s you!” she exclaims so loudly that the whole joint grows silent for a minute and stares.
“What are you doing here?” I blink, still suspended in disbelief.
“I moved back,” she says, pulling me down to sit across from her.
“I had no idea,” I reply softly, trying to hide my trepidation.
“I wanted to tell you…but…you never said goodbye before you left,” she explains, looking somber. “I didn’t know what happened. I thought maybe you were mad at me for something. Where did you go to that night anyway?”
“What night?” I ask, but I quickly sort my way through the haze of memories enough to realize the last time I saw her was at prom. Thinking back on it all now still feels like trying to dig up pieces of a dream that vanished the moment you woke up. “Oh!” I quickly correct myself. “I…I don’t even know where to start,” I laugh.
An awkward silence falls between us. I don’t know whether to be happy or afraid to see her. If Emmett and Theo agreed on anything, it was that they didn’t like or trust Bridgett. I’m not sure if I should either. After everything was over, I realized I never had any real reason to think she was bad. But Emmett was so convinced she was working with Theo. And Theo was so convinced she was just another Elite through and through. I’m not sure what to believe.
“Actually,” I continue slowly. “I wanted to ask for your help that night. After I stumbled away, I realized I had been drugged. That’s why I got so sick all of a sudden.”
Her face melts with concern and sadness all at once. “Oh my god!” she gasps. “What…what happened? Are you okay? How did you…”
“Emmett found me,” I tell her. My heart shatters, knowing this is the first time in months I’ve actually said his name out loud.
“How come you never told me!?” she scolds. “You just disappeared and I didn’t know what to think.”
“You never tried to find me,” I shoot back, surprised by how angry I feel.
“I did!” she insists. “When you didn’t come back, I looked all over for you. I told Coach and he was looking for you too.”