Smith's shoulders dropped a little his brows came together as he looked down, as if summoning the courage to continue. I had seen him do this in the courtroom for the jury. He had bad news for me. “I'm afraid I won't be bringing you.”
“What?” I gasped, feeling the air rush from the room. “Why?”
Smith took a step toward me, holding his hands out apologetically. “It was brought to my attention that Alexa here has never been on a big case like this before, but that she has a real interest in them.” He put his hand on my shoulder, as if he were trying to comfort me.
I was certain I was about to be physically ill. “I still don't understand why I can't go...”
Smith smiled sadly and squeezed my shoulder. “There are a limited amount of spots on the team. I need lawyers more than I need paralegals. I'm sorry.”
Alexa and Calvin smiled like jackals as I my dreams evaporated.
“But, I had a letter from you...” I said softly. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't possible.
“I know.” Smith sighed and let go of my shoulder. “But given your recent evaluation, I need to bring people I can trust to get the job done.”
I tasted bile as I threw up in my mouth a little.
“I see,” I said slowly. Though, really, I didn't. I didn't see how a good-for-nothing, brand new lawyer with absolutely no trial experience got to go on an all-expenses paid trip to watch one of the best criminal defense lawyers in the country work while the paralegal that had been promised, and actually could help, had to stay home. I didn't understand it at all.
“I know this is a disappointment, Lena,” Smith said slowly. I hated that he used my first name like he knew me. He didn't know me because if he did, he wouldn't have done this. “There will be other cases. Ones closer to home and more your speed.”
My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. Alexa smirked. I wanted to scream, to tell Smith exactly what kind of lawyer he was getting with Alexa, but nothing would come out. I stayed quiet. I stayed small and insignificant.
“I wanted to tell you in person,” Smith concluded. He stepped away from me and back toward Alexa and Calvin and folded his hands behind his back like he did at the end of a presentation to the jury. “Now if you'll excuse us, I need to get everyone who is coming to Houston with me together. Would you mind letting my secretary know she can send in the others on your way out?”
“Of course, sir,” I replied meekly, turning blindly to reach for the door. I couldn't get out of the room fast enough.
As soon as the secretary saw me emerge, she nodded to the newly gathered crowd to go in. A stream of lawyers poured past me, and not a single one said a word.
“I told you not to mess with me,” Alexa said, coming to the door. She smiled, her teeth cruel and bright. “Have fun staying here. I'll send you a postcard.”
She slammed the door shut behind her. Through it, I heard Smith's voice followed by a cheer from the lawyers. Tears filled my vision and I stumbled away from what should have been mine.
Chapter 7
I didn't want to see Darcie yet, but I didn't know where else to go. The library was the one place that I could escape to; I could hide in a book better than I could hide behind my very open desk. I managed to keep myself contained until I stepped through the big glass doors protecting the books before I lost it.
Mercifully, the library was empty. Darcie must have had to deliver something. The placard on her desk said she'd be back in fifteen minutes, but I was just glad to have a the library to myself for a moment. As much as I loved my friend, I wasn't ready to tell anyone how crushed I was. Alexa had beaten me. She had destroyed me and I hadn't seen it coming.
I went to my favorite desk in the library. It was tucked up against a window and hidden from the rest of the library by bookshelves. I'd never seen anyone else use it, since most people preferred the big tables close to the entrance to work. It was my secret place in the office where I could read and research without anyone bothering me. Today, I had no plans for research. I just needed a place to hide.
I sat down on the comfy office chair, pulling my knees up into my chest. The tears started falling, silently tracing paths down my cheeks. For a few glorious hours, I had thought I was going places. I thought I was going to observe a high-profile murder case. My acceptance to Harvard was practically assured. The scholarship was in my pocket.
Now it was all just sand on the wind. Painful and messy.
I couldn't believe Smith picked Alexa over me. She was the last person that should be going to Texas. She could barely remember what a jury was called, let alone be in the same room as one. He probably picked her because she would look good on camera. She was tall and beautiful, especially when compared to a short, little paralegal with too much excitement in her eyes.
I wiped my cheek with the palm of my hand, trying to wipe away the sadness and bitterness with the tears. I hoped Alexa showed Smith her true colors. The idea of her ruining the entire murder case with her ineptness was appealing, except for the part that it wouldn't be Alexa's name that was ruined. It would be Smith's. He was an excellent attorney and I didn't want to see Alexa take someone of his skill down because she was an idiot.
The unfairness ached like an open wound. I had worked so hard. I deserved this chance. Even though murder trials weren't where my legal interests lay, I had been excited.
It would have been the experience of a lifetime. Instead I was just going to stay in Chicago and pray that I had enough on my resume to get into a good law school, let alone have a shot at Harvard.
I took a deep shaky breath. At least I wouldn't have to deal with Alexa and Calvin while they were at the trial. My life would certainly be easier without having to be their step-n-fetch-it. I might actually go home on time without them here.
Except I didn't want to go home. The law firm, the courthouse-- they were more my home than my apartment. I was made for the legal world. I ached with betrayal and loss. Everything I wanted in life was crumbling apart and I didn't even have a basket to put the pieces in.
I wiped another set of tears from my cheeks and hugged my knees in tighter. This isn't the end of the world, it just feels like it. My Mom used to tell me that all the time when I was a kid. This too shall pass. I knew it was true, but for now, I just wished it didn't hurt so much.