Because she was in love with him.
After what happened with Jeff, she told herself she wouldn’t make the mistake of falling in love again. You couldn’t trust someone enough not to take your heart and soul and crush it. Claire refused to give someone that much power over her again, and yet here she was. It might not be the smart thing to do, and it might bring her nothing but heartache before it was through, but there was no fighting it any longer.
Claire could feel it down in her bones, down in her core. Even as another release built up inside of her, she knew the sensation couldn’t begin to touch the feeling of love that was warming her heart.
“Yes!” she gasped over and over as she felt both of them tense with anticipation.
Yes, she was close to oblivion. Yes, he was doing everything right. Yes, she wanted him to lose himself in her. Yes, this was better than she could’ve ever dreamed. Yes, she wanted to be with him back in New York. Yes, she loved Luca with everything she was and everything she had.
Yes to it all. He needed only ask the question and she was his forever.
Ten
It felt strange to be back in New York. Despite Luca’s assurances that he wanted their relationship to continue beyond their time at the beach, Claire was anxious stepping back onto the concrete of her home turf. Her stomach was constantly fluttering like butterflies had invaded. If she thought about it too long, she hovered on the verge of nausea. She wasn’t quite sure what she was afraid of.
That was a lie. She knew exactly what she was afraid of—losing Luca. It was the risk she’d taken when she gave in to her feelings for him. Manhattan didn’t have the cozy charm of the island. Would they really be able to hold this relationship together among the honking cabs, demanding jobs and hectic schedules of real life?
Tonight, she would find out. They’d been home a few days. Today had been her first day back at the museum. Luca had asked her to dinner tonight so they could put together their final custody agreement for Edmund and Stuart to submit to the judge. She was supposed to meet him at his apartment, then they’d go somewhere for dinner when they were through. Daisy was staying late to watch Eva.
Luca’s apartment was just a few blocks from the museum. She walked down the massive steps to head in that direction. It was a nice evening and she wanted to make the most of the pleasant weather. She was actually feeling pretty good tonight.
At least until she caught a whiff of the nearby hot-dog cart. Normally the smell didn’t bother her—sometimes it was even enticing—but tonight it was anything but. She frantically sought out a nearby trash can and emptied the contents of her stomach into it.
When she was through, she straightened and clamped her hand over her nose and mouth. Had she really just done that? She looked around to see if anyone noticed. They had. She was getting more than a few disgusted looks from tourists and locals alike.
A nearby woman reached into her purse and handed Claire a tissue. “I don’t know why they call it morning sickness,” she said. “More like all the damn time sickness. Those hot-dog carts always got me, too. Don’t let those people bother you. When you’re bringing a child into the world, you have the right to puke wherever you need to.”
Claire tried not to frown at the well-meaning woman. There was no sense in dumping her life story on her by arguing that she couldn’t get pregnant. She just accepted the tissue and was thankful that at least one person wasn’t judging her. “Thank you.”
She dashed across the street when the light changed and tried to put as much distance between her and the mess as she could. It wasn’t until she reached the light at the next block that she hesitated and let the woman’s words sink into her head.
Pregnant? She couldn’t possibly be pregnant.
Admittedly, this did feel like morning sickness. When she was pregnant the first time, there had been days when she couldn’t even get out of bed. She lost weight instead of gaining it. She went through a sleeve of saltine crackers a day. The misery of her first trimester was something she’d quickly put out of her mind as the price she paid for Eva, but in the moment it came rushing back with crystal clarity.
She pulled out her phone and looked at her calendar. Doing a little math, she realized that she’d been at the beach over a month and her period was well overdue. But that just had to be a fluke. Yes, as if her public vomiting was a fluke.
Claire crossed the street with the crowd again, feeling more and more anxious with every step. She didn’t know why. It was likely the questionable chicken-salad sandwich she’d had at the museum cafeteria today. There was no way she was pregnant. Even if she could conceive normally and Luca hadn’t had cancer, the condom had only broken once.