Nathan started the movie, but I couldn’t concentrate. I enjoyed the heat from Jace’s body and obsessed about how I was going to handle Colton later. How could I continue things with him when this entire day had solidified the fact that I was still completely and utterly obsessed with someone else?
About twenty minutes into the movie, I shifted my leg to the left so it leaned even more into Jace’s. I must’ve been a despicable person, because Colton grabbed my hand at almost the same exact time, and I still didn’t shift my leg away. I wanted every bit of the contact I was receiving from my left. My body was on fire. And if there was any doubt as to whether this entire thing was mutual, when I inadvertently moved my leg away, Jace leaned his leg back onto mine. It didn’t even feel discreet anymore.
Lord.
This had to end. In that moment, I knew it was over with Colton, because this was just wrong. Even if nothing could ever happen between Jace and me, tonight was a testament that nothing much was happening with Colton either. I wanted to like him…but I couldn’t fall for him hard enough.
As I pretended to be into the movie, I felt like I was going to explode. There was a chance Jace might go home with Alyssa tonight—or worse, that she’d sleep here. I’d do nothing but toss and turn thinking about it. I knew Colton was hoping I’d leave with him tonight, too. He’d proposed getting a hotel since he lived with his parents and never had any privacy. I’d been making excuses, because I wasn’t ready to take that step. I knew now I never would be—not with him, at least.
After the movie ended, we all retreated to the kitchen. Alyssa sank into one of the chairs at the table and kicked her feet up. Her body language made it clear she wasn’t anywhere near ready to leave. I was sure she had her heart set on staying right here, hoping to make her way into Jace’s bedroom tonight. That drove me insane.
Colton wrapped his arm around me and whispered in my ear, “Want to get out of here? Take a ride? Maybe find a place?”
That was my cue. As hard as it would be to hurt him, I had to do the right thing.
“Can we take a walk outside?” I asked, my throat feeling parched.
He frowned, clearly sensing something in my tone. “Sure.”
Colton followed me out to the front of the house. It was quiet on our street, aside from the sound of crickets chirping.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “You seem like something’s bothering you.”
Looking down at my feet, I said, “Colton…I’m really sorry. I know you’ve wanted us to be alone and take that next step, but I’m just not there. And…I don’t think I ever will be.” I looked back up at him. “This just isn’t working out.”
He looked at me strangely. “I’m sorry…did I miss something? You brought me here to meet your brother because we were getting more serious. We have a great day, everyone seems to be getting along, we watch a movie, and at some point during that time, you decide you don’t want to be with me anymore? Am I understanding that correctly?”
“I know it seems sudden, but I’ve been struggling for a while.” Don’t say it. “It’s not you…it’s me.”
Ugh. I said it.
I should be shot for that.
He bent his head back and looked at the sky. “Just fucking great. Feed me that damn line on top of everything? You should’ve just told me to get out and slammed the door in my face. That would’ve been less painful.”
Despite his belligerent tone, I felt bad for him. I deserved the attitude because I had misled him. “I’m so sorry, Colton. I really am. You’re a wonderful guy, and you deserve the world. That’s why I don’t want to waste any more of your precious time.”
He let out a long breath before looking me in the eyes. “You sure about this?”
Feeling terrible, I simply nodded.
It took him several seconds to process that. “Well…take care of yourself, I guess. Not sure what else to say.”
“You too.”
I stood on the sidewalk as he got into his car. A horrible feeling developed in the pit of my stomach as I second-guessed myself for a moment. Had I just made a mistake? He was such a stand-up guy. I shook my head, reminding myself that I needed to follow my intuition—and my heart. They were telling me to move on, and that I needed to talk to Jace tonight. Urgently.
When I returned to the kitchen, everyone turned to me. Jace’s stare was particularly penetrating.
“What happened to Colton?” Nathan asked.
“He…went home.”
My brother looked confused. “I assumed you were leaving with him.”