I don’t want to fight against something that’s meant to be, something that every single instinct in my body is saying is right. For once, I feel right.
“I miss you,” I whisper.
He closes his eyes, a strand of hair falling across his forehead. He takes in a steadying breath.
“I know how it is,” I go on quietly. “I know what Jacob said. I know what you have to do. But I just had to tell you. I wish this could be any other way but I don’t know what I can do.”
“You can’t do anything,” he finally says after a long pause. His eyes flit to mine, holding me still. Everything inside me slows to a crawl, a warm, sweet stillness.
Then at least tell me what you feel for me, I beg inside. Tell me so I know, so I can take it with me and hold onto it before we’re forever changed.
A softness comes over his eyes and I can only hope he knows.
“It’s all up to me,” he says, straightening up, determination in his jaw. “I’ve been assigned to you, to teach you and protect you. You’re mine in that respect and will be for as long as it’s allowed.”
A sorrowful sigh catches in my throat and I look away. I know all of this. To hear it again is another nail in the coffin.
I try to put on a brave face, to tell myself it doesn’t really matter, that I never really knew him anyway, that this has been a mad crush, a hormone-fueled infatuation, that all it came down to was the fact that I had amazing sex for days with an immortal being and now I’m caught in the lovelorn, addicted tailspin of it all.
And that might all be true.
I’m sure it is true.
But it doesn’t mean that it’s the only truth.
That he is just as much mine as I am his.
That our souls crawled out from their hiding places and met in the bedroom, that they fused and grew and became something neither of us could have predicted. We`ve been to Hell together. If that`s not a bonding exercise, I don’t know what is.
“We’re not supposed to be together,” he says roughly. He takes a step forward and my brave face falters, wondering how the hell I’m going to get through the rest of our time together when I have to constantly fight against my own body’s needs.
“It’s not allowed, plain and simple,” he goes on, taking another step, his gaze growing more intense by the second. “Jacob threatened me in more ways than one. That he’ll transfer me to someone else, that he’ll become your guardian if he has to, that my duty to you absolutely can’t be compromised.”
“I know, I know,” I cry out, my cheeks flaming in frustration. “I know all this.”
“He says you’ll deal with it in time. He says I’ll deal with it in time. That time will erase whatever thing it is we have,” he says. “But I know that’s not true. We’re just at the beginning. This is just the start of what we are together, who we are to each other deep inside. I know you, Ada, and even though logic says you can’t, you know me too.”
“What are you saying?”
He’s just a foot away now, that musky, spicy scent of his flooding my nose, coating my nerves with honey. My body tingles from head to toe, the air between us starting to crackle as if it’s fighting to pull us together. One faint but glowing rope of livewire around my waist, connected straight to his.
“I’m saying,” he says, reaching out for my hand. A spark jumps from our contact, his palm warm as his strong fingers wrap around mine, grounding me instantly, “we can’t be together. But that doesn’t mean we won’t be.”
I blink dumbly at him, afraid to take in what he’s saying.
“You’re mine, princess,” he whispers, cupping my face in his hand. “And you’re mine in more ways than one. You’re mine in the way that really counts. I may not be mortal but it doesn’t mean you should be denied to me, just as I shouldn’t be denied to you.”
I nearly cry. His touch, his words, are a balm to my wounds.
But I can’t, not yet.
“Silas,” I whisper. Scared of his answer. That he won’t have an answer.
But he does.
“Silas Black was left behind in Hell,” he says. “I saw to that. Names have power and the demons brought him out, albeit at the worst time. And you know I can never stop apologizing for being so weak, for not seeing it coming. It’s something that will never happen again but it happened. But when I fought back, when I felt you, and you alone helped me through it, I banished him from every corner. I said his name myself. And in Hell now he will stay.”