But I can’t stop thinking about him. Despite all my pain, there had been agony in his eyes. The fact that I can no longer comfort him kills me. He might not want me, but I can’t turn my love for him off so easily. He is hurting and he needs someone.
My hand shakes as I pour myself a glass of water and gulp it down. Then I pick up my phone and make the call.
When I hear the deep “Hello?” on the other end of the line, I almost hang up. But I grit my teeth and talk.
“Hey, this is Stella. Your pet sitter.”
There’s a beat of silence, then Killian James talks. “Hey, Stella. Is everything all right?”
Tears prickle behind my lids, and I blink them back. “Your pets are fine. This is about John—Jax.”
“Jax? Did something happen?” The strain in his voice is clear. “Is he hurt?”
“No. I’m sorry I scared you.” I clear my throat. “No, I’m calling because I want to talk to you about John.”
I can practically feel him recoiling through the line.
“I’ve heard you two have been hanging out,” he says, slightly strained, and definitely guarded. “I don’t know what you have to say, but I’m not comfortable talking about—”
“And I’m not comfortable calling you,” I cut in. “But that’s just too bad, because this isn’t about your feelings or mine. As far as I can tell, you are the closest thing John has to a brother.”
“I am,” Killian says tightly.
“Then get your ass home and be here for him.”
Killian makes a strangled noise in his throat. “What the fuck is going on?”
“We broke up,” I blurt out, then wince. Because that’s not what I want to say.
From the way Killian sounds, he clearly thinks I’m calling to whine. “Er … Okay, I think I should stop you right there—”
“This isn’t about me. I’m not trying to gain any points here. It’s over. But John needs a friend now. No,” I amend, “he needs you. Out of all the guys, he needs you here.”
Killian is silent for a beat. “You two broke up but you’re worried about him?”
My smile is bitter, but he can’t see it. “I realize I probably sound slightly crazed right now.”
Killian grunts.
“John has been walking on eggshells around you guys. For two years. And that’s not okay. So, please, just come home.” I take a ragged breath. “Come home so I can leave knowing he’s … okay.”
I can feel the building pressure behind my eyes. Another few minutes and I won’t be able to hold it all in.
When Killian finally speaks, his voice is unbearably soft. “Why did you guys break up?”
The room before me blurs. I bite the inside of my lip so hard it hurts. “Because I wasn’t what he needed.”
“Somehow,” Killian says, “I doubt that, Stella.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Stella
* * *
I want to go flying. I want to go so badly, a small, childlike whine leaks from my lips. In the cozy cockpit of my plane that smells of metal and heat and AV gas, I will be safe, free. I am competent up there in the thin blue sky and wispy clouds. No one can hurt me up there. Only myself. Because flying while this emotional is just asking to die. Besides, Hank would take one look at me and know I’m done in. He’s want to know why, and my pride cannot manage anymore battering.
So I’m instead I’m waiting for the cab I called, dying a little inside with each passing minute. A massive white SUV with tinted windows pulls up in front of me. I recognize Bruce driving, and for a painful, tight moment, I think it must be John in the back of the car. He’s come to apologize, to tell me he was wrong. But even as the thought begins to crystallize, I shatter it. I’m not going to hope.
The back door opens, and the tiny shards of hope I hadn’t crushed turn to dust. Brenna smiles at me, the expression a bit strained but obviously trying not to be.
“Come on. Get in,” she says, waving me over.
“Is this an abduction?” I’m surprised I can even talk past the lump in my throat.
“Yes,” Brenna says, “of the friendly kind.”
Since I can’t very well take off down the road and keep my floundering dignity, I walk over to the SUV. “I can’t leave my stuff.”
“Bruce is taking care of it.”
“What—” I glance back to see Bruce picking up my bags and striding over to the trunk. “You don’t have to do that. I have a cab coming.”
“Already done,” Bruce says with a wink and closes the back.
“Get in the car, Stella.” Brenna grins at me. “Don’t make me drag you in here.”
“Okay. But, fair warning, I bite.”
Brenna laughs. “A little mean. I like it.”
She scoots back and I get in, shutting the door behind me. Once inside, I find Sophie there as well, sans baby Felix. She gives me a cheery smile as the car pulls out into traffic.