She’d tell me to forgive him, to risk my heart, giving it to him again because he won’t break it this time.
She’d tell me to stop being stubborn and to go get my man before someone else does.
I know she’d say all of those things.
And it feels like her hands on my back are urging me to fix things as I grab the closest article of clothing and tug it over my head, realizing with a smile that it’s Ignacio shirt he took off before his shower.
I pull the fabric up to my nose as I leave the room and go in search of him.
His back is to me when I enter the kitchen, shoulders slumped forward with this head hung low. I hate the sight of it. I want to go to him and wrap my arms around his waist. I want to tell him the words he wants to hear, but there’s still so many other things left unsaid.
“I may have only been eighteen, but I loved you with my entire heart,” I begin, losing some of my nerve when he turns around to face me. I straighten my back and continue. “I knew, just knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. When those two lines showed up on that test, I wasn’t sad or scared. I didn’t wonder how you would react. I didn’t regret being in that situation. I was happy, ecstatic, overjoyed to be facing that next step in our lives with you.”
I fight down the tears and do my best to keep going as he watches my face from across the room.
“You broke me that day. It’s like you ripped my heart from my chest and—”
“I thought I was doing the right—”
I hold my hand up. If he interrupts, I won’t be able to get this out.
“I know you thought you were doing the right thing, and I wish I could say the same. I’ve lied for years, telling myself that keeping Alex from you was the best thing for everyone. I listened to your words that night, not your actions. I can picture it in my head like it happened an hour ago instead of over thirteen years ago. I can see the pain in your eyes, the way your throat worked when you lied to me. I don’t know why I didn’t see it then. Why I didn’t challenge you just a little harder. Your love and devotion to me was in every action, every touch. Every time you looked at me, I felt it to my soul. But I’m stubborn.”
His head cocks to the side as if saying Duh, but he remains silent.
“I convinced myself that Alex would be better off without a man like you, and I know now that was another mistake. I know you would’ve been a great father. I know you would’ve moved heaven and earth to provide for us. I know this now, but back then I was hurt. I can make excuses, repeat the lies I told myself, but it all boils down to me being wrong.”
I pause, knowing what I need to say, what I want to say, but also knowing it has the power to change everything. If I say it, I have to let my walls down. I have to risk my heart, but I don’t think that’s the real challenge because he already owns it.
“I loved you at seventeen, and I love you now, Ignacio. I n-never stopped loving you.”
His eyes flash, bottom lip trembling slightly.
“Say it again.”
“I love you. I love you so much I don’t feel whole when you’re not around. I’m incomplete without you, and I don’t know what that says about my ability—”
His lips crush to mine so quickly, I don’t even register him moving across the room.
“W-wait.” I manage as I push at his chest.
“Tinley,” he growls, his hips pressing against me.
“I want the life you promised. I want to live here, and watch Alex grow up. I want it all, but I’m scared.”
His hand cups my jaw, dark eyes staring down at me. “I know you are, but I want you to know I’ll spend the rest of my life making up my mistakes to you, the rest of my life proving how precious you are to me.”
“You left again.”
“Left?”
“I would have given in to you, but you left, walked right past me and didn’t say a word. I had to find out from Alex that you were leaving Texas.”
He takes a step back, moving his arms to indicate various spots in his condo.
“I came back to pack. Fuck, Tinley. If you weren’t going to move to Missouri, I was moving to Texas. Leaving you, leaving Alex was never an option. Didn’t Alex tell you? I was due back next week.”